A Very Disorganized Organization Vacation
by Dlbn
Summary: When the Organization XIII members go out on vacation to their beach house, they expect nothing more then sunshine and sandy beaches. But an unexpected guest turns everything upside down. Warnings: OOC characters, yaoi
1. Meeting

Dlbn here with another fic! This is what happens when you watch too much Dr. Phil and play too much Kingdom Hearts. A bit of Organization XIII bashing is in here, but it's just for humor. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Kingdom Hearts or Dr. Phil. The Kingdom Hearts characters belong to Tetsuya Nomomura and Dr. Phil and his wife belong to themselves. I own nothing but the plot

Twelve members of Organization XIII sat on folded metal chairs in the main hall of The Castle That Never Was, one hot summer day. Roxas and Axel shared one of the chairs in the back, much to the distain of Larxene, the only female member of the organization. With Vexen drunk as usual and Lexaeus high as usual, nothing was going to go smoothly at _this _meeting. What else was new? Zexion and Demyx stood a bit too close in the shadows towards the back, not unseen by the others. Xemnas wouldn't be happy with that, but he'd deal. Somehow. Xaldin left the meeting hall every five or ten minutes to go to the bathroom and wash his hands, which drove the jittery Saïx nuts. It wasn't like the guy would _die_ without washing his hands every five or ten minutes. Marluxia fixed his hair in his pink handheld mirror, oblivious to the world around him.

Xemnas, a tall man with silver hair, walked into the meeting hall, wearing his white lab coat from the school he taught summer school at. One by one, the other members of the Organization stopped their conversations and looked to him. Axel pulled Roxas a little closer on his lap, making the younger boy flush at what he felt pressed against his backside.

"You're all wondering why I'm here, aren't you." Xemnas wondered.

"Ditching work again?" Commented Xigbar with his fake pirate accent.

"No!" Xemnas flushed darkly. "And loose the accent. You're not at that damn theme park!" He cleared his throat. "It's been a stressful year for all of us."

"What's your point?" Axel wondered, fingers twitching in desire to play with his lighter…or with Roxas' ass. Whichever was more convenient.

"I say we all take a break." Xemnas muttered. "How about going to our beach house?"

"What beach house?" Vexen questioned, words slurring.

"The one we have in Twilight Town. Remember?" Xemnas wondered. "The big one with one too many windows?"

"No."

A few snickers here and there.

"Whatever." Xemnas sighed. "We leave at 20 hundred hours tonight." He strutted off without another word.

"When in the world is _that_?" Roxas wondered. "I wish he wouldn't talk military to us."

"Talk military?" Larxene rolled her eyes. "Speak proper English, would ya?"

"I'd know proper English if I cared to go to school…and I don't care for that much at all."

Larxene snarled. Axel gave her a look that clearly said 'Touch my boy-toy and I set you afire.' She backed down.

"Oh, come on Larxene." Demyx called from the back. "Give the kid a break! You know you're only mad at him cause he's got Axel."

Zexion elbowed the sandy haired boy in the side. "Shut it!" He hissed.

Larxene pulled out her throwing knives. "What did you say, Water Boy?" She wondered.

Lightning crackled outside, though it wasn't raining.

"You heard me." Demyx laughed. He obviously thought this was all fun and games. "You wanted Axel's help and he wouldn't help. But now Roxas has him and you're not happy. You don't like to loose, if I recall."

She snarled again, but she knew he was right.

"Hey, if we're leaving tonight, we should get going!" Marluxia announced, jumping from his seat. "Last one finished is a Somebody!" He skipped out of the room.

"Even _I'm_ not that flamboyant…" Roxas muttered.

The other Organization members stood as one. Time to go.

Roxas rummaged through his and Axel's bedroom closet, trying to locate a suitcase among the clutter. He could've sworn it was in there somewhere!

"Hot, hot!" Axel cried from the bathroom.

Roxas looked up in time to see Axel throw a rag into the tub, covered in fire. He sighed. If Axel wasn't burning rags and other garbage, he was burning the Axe Body Spray he tended to put on his arms for that purpose only. Dating a Pyro sure was a fulltime job…but at least the sex was good…

"Are you done in there?" Roxas questioned. "Cause I could use some help!"

"With your pants?" Axel poked his head out.

"No!" Roxas glared at him, blushing.

"Oh." Axel ducked back into the bathroom.

"Ax_el_! I'm serious here!"

"Alright, alright." Axel walked out of the bathroom and flopped down on the bed closest to Roxas.

They really didn't need two beds, since they just slept together, but it took too much effort to take one out anyway.

"That's not helping." Roxas rolled his eyes and went back into the closet.

It wasn't really a _big _closet, but that was probably because the mess took up most of the space. You needed to tie a rope to the bed post and bring the other side in with you just to get _out _of the thing.

"What am I supposed to be helping with?" Axel flicked a match with his thumbnail and stared at the flames.

"Finding the suitcase."

"What suitcase?"

"The brown one that looks like it belongs to a Hobo." Roxas answered. "You know, the one I rescued from the garbage?"

"Oh." Axel smiled sheepishly and went into the bathroom. He came out with a charred suitcase.

"Axel!"

"What?! I wanted to see what happened when you combined Axe with fabric and set it on fire!"

"Fire happens when you put Axe on fabric and set it on fire!"

Axel flushed. "It was fun."

"What are we gonna put our clothes in now?" Roxas moaned. "Sometimes you don't put any effort into thinking."

Axel threw the suitcase back into the bathroom. "I _never_ think…unless we're in bed, of course. I always devote 100 percent to thinking of things to do to you." Axel's eyes wandered.

Roxas flushed again. "Stop." He ordered.

"Make me." Axel took a step foreword, smirking.

"Maybe tonight." Roxas smiled slyly.

Axel went to his side and kissed the boy. His tongue danced over Roxas' lip and into his mouth when Roxas permitted it. Roxas wrapped his arms daintily around Axel's neck. For some reason, gentle wasn't what Axel really wanted. Maybe all those years of setting Axe on fire on his arm had made him a masochist. Roxas pulled back and ran his hands up and down Axel's thin arms.

"We should probably keep packing." He muttered.

Axel pulled him closer by the waist. "Yeah, you're right." He kissed the corner of Roxas' mouth.

Roxas kissed him again. Axel walked him backwards until they crashed onto the bed. Fun time…

Dlbn: Well there you go. Part one of my epic (????????) new story. Read and review, please, and let me know what you think!

Dlbn  
^_^


	2. Enter the Doctor

Disclaimer: I own the plot only. The characters of Kingdom Hearts I, Kingdom Hearts II, Kingdom Hearts Chain of Memories, Kingdom hearts Re: Chain of Memories, and Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days belong to Tetsuya Nomomura and Square Enix. Dr. Phil and his wife and show belong to Doctor Phil. Please don't sue! I have no money! (Hides behind giant check)

Larxene grumbled as she packed her stuff into a suitcase she had bought a few years ago. As if having to see Axel and Roxas going at it all the time wasn't enough, why'd Demyx have to make it seemed like she _liked_ the pyromaniac Seme? Men.

Marluxia sauntered through the door, swinging his hips a little too much. He plopped down on his bed. "Heyya, Larxe." He greeted.

She glared. "How many times must I tell you to not call me that?" She wondered.

He shrugged. "So what-cha doing?"

"Packing!" She snarled. "What do you _think_ I'm doing?"

"Fantasizing over Axel."

"Ugh, not you, too."

Marluxia cocked his head to the side, meaning he wanted to know more.

"Demyx."

"Aw, what'd Demy say this time?" Marluxia sounded like he was talking to a four year old.

"You heard him at the meeting, we all did."

"Oh, that." Marluxia waved a hand at her. "Ignore him. You know all he wants is for you to react to him."

"Why?" Larxene questioned, zipping her suitcase.

"Ain't it obvious? Maybe he likes you." Marluxia winked. "You know. _Like_s."

"I know what you mean and he better not! I'd claw out his eyes so fast with my knives that he won't know what hit him!" She flashed a throwing knife.

Marluxia rolled his eyes. "_Sure_ you will." He didn't seem to believe her.

"I will. Don't you test me. Him and Axel are both getting on my nerves."

"We're talking about Axel again?"

She flushed. "Shut it." Larxene grabbed her suitcase and left the room.

Sometimes sharing a room with Marluxia was a good thing, but other times it was a pain in her ass.

Xemnas paced back and forth in the garage of The Castle That Never Was at 20 hundred hours that night. Where _was_ everyone? Had they not taken him seriously?! He bit his nails. No, they had to take him serious, they just _had_ to! What kind of a leader would he be without his men, and Larxene, doubting him? His students didn't take him seriously, but he didn't have to share a _house_ with them!

The tapping of boots on the floors made him look up. The rest of the Organization XIII members trudged in, not looking very happy. Xemnas noted that both Axel and Roxas' clothes were messed and a little torn, but he didn't say anything. They were probably going at it again. He swore that when it was late at night, he could hear them getting it on when his room was in the tower on the backside of the Castle.

"Everyone ready to go?" Xemnas called, once they got closer to him.

"If we have to be." Zexion muttered.

"Aye, Matey!" Xigbar answered him. "We be ready to go. 20 hundred hours, like ye said."

Xemnas rolled his eyes. Damn that job of Xigbar's…

"Well, then let's go." Xemnas told them, gesturing to the Hummer-Limo he had rented for the day.

Roxas' eyes almost bugged out of his head. "We get to ride in a _Humo_?" He wondered.

"Are you saying Humo or Homo?" Zexion muttered.

"It fits either way." Saïx muttered.

The two of them snickered.

"Yes you get to ride in one." Xemnas beamed, happy he had at least someone's interest, even if it _was_ the new kid.

"Let's go!" Roxas grabbed Axel's hand and dragged him to the limo.

The others followed, watching Axel stumble over his own feet. Once they were all successfully loaded into the limo, Xemnas told the driver to leave through the intercom.

Roxas snuggled up against Axel on the seat against the back window of the Humo. Marluxia watched them to see if they'd start doing anything explicit, but the others were doing their best to not look. An extra bag sat between Axel's feet on the floor.

"Hey, Axel, what's in the bag?" Vexen questioned.

Axel opened it up. "Fireworks. Lots of um." He responded with a chuckle. "I brought them from work so we can have a show later."

"Cool!" Lexaeus commented. "I've always wanted to see a fireworks show up close."

"Oh, don't kid yourselves." Roxas rolled his eyes. "Axel just wants something to set on fire at the beach house."

"That isn't true." Axel shook his head. "I brought my Axe. I can set _that_ on fire."

Roxas moaned. "Sometimes I wonder why I ever agreed to be your boyfriend."

"Cause you were desperate." Larxene sneered.

"Aw, come on Larxene." A pirate accent ordered. "Leave the poor lubbers alone."

"Lovers, Xigbar. _Lovers_." Xemnas corrected. _Note to self: Get Axel to burn the Amusement Park to the ground._

Demyx played a soft tune on his sitar. He didn't seem interested in the others too much. Saïx watched Demyx's fingers move over the fret bar as the notes changed.

"Is there a movie on this ride?" Lexaeus questioned.

"Sorry. I didn't bring one." Xemnas flushed.

How could he forget that? Movies are what kept the peace in this Organization!

"We could watch one of the ones I brought." Axel suggested.

Roxas grabbed his hand to stop him from searching in the bag for one. "Axel, I don't think they'd be into Yaoi." He whispered. "Marluxia and us, yes. Them, no. Save it for tonight. I'll make it fun."

"You'll do _anything_ to make it fun?" Axel wondered with a raised eyebrow, emerald eyes gleaming.

"Yes, anything." Roxas whispered.

"Alright then." Axel kissed the corner of Roxas' mouth. "Sorry, don't have one."

Marluxia pouted. He obviously knew there was a Yaoi porno in that bag.

"That might be a good thing, mate." Xigbar nodded.

For once, Xemnas couldn't agree more.

Xaldin folded his arms and settled into his seat. "I'm going to go to sleep now." He told them all. "Wake me when we get there."

Roxas lay his head on Axel's shoulder. "You've got the right idea, Xal." He told the black haired man. "Wake me up later, baby?" He looked up at Axel.

"Aw, how could I say no?" Axel kissed his forehead. "I'll give you my special wake up call."

Roxas smiled before his eyes slid shut.

Lexaeus pushed the tip of a needle discretely into his arm and pressed down on the top. The once white substance entering his veins relaxed him. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the ride. Vexen opened up the mini bar. It was filled to the point of explosion with wine, champagne, and beer.

"Jackpot!" He whispered.

"Where?!" Luxord almost jumped out of his seat.

"_Liquor_ jackpot, Luxord." Vexen muttered, pulling out a couple beers.

"Oh." Luxord attached a bluetooth headset to his ear and dialed a number on a regular cell phone. "Hey, Gambit, it's Luxord. Yeah. I'm going out of town. Pay that guy in District 3 a visit. I want my money."

"Luxord, this is a vacation. No working allowed!" Xemnas scolded. He tried to take the phone, but Luxord growled and he backed off.

"You know better, Xemnas." Demyx wagged his finger at his Boss.

"I know." Xemnas rolled his eyes.

Demyx went back to playing his sitar. Marluxia giggled.

"Care to share with us, Marluxia?" Xemnas wondered.

"I just realized something." Marluxia stated.

"And?" Xaldin questioned.

"If you rearrange the letters in Xemnas' name, you get 'Man Sex'."

The occupants of the Humo exploded into laughter and Xemnas flushed ferociously.

"Shut up!" Xemnas ordered softly. "It comes from Ansem!"

"There's no 'X' in 'Ansem'." Axel taunted.

"The naming ceremony puts an X in there!" Xemnas argued. "Come on, lay off!"

"I'm sorry." Marluxia giggled. "Do you need a hug?" He held out his arms.

"_No_, Marluxia."

"H-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-g!" Marluxia drew out the word.

"_No!_"

"Hug." Marluxia nodded and leaned across the laps of three people. He wrapped his arms onto Xemnas. "Hug."

"Okay, fine, you got a hug. Now get off."

Marluxia plopped back down in his seat.

"Thank God." Zexion muttered, crossing his legs after Marluxia moved.

"Hiding something, Zexion?" Axel chuckled.

"No!" Zexion flushed. "Lay off, Pyro."

"I think you _are_ hiding something."

"He said to lay off." Demyx growled, not looking up or stopping his fingers from playing.

"Oh, and what are you protecting him for? We all know he can defend himself. Can't you, Zexy?"

"Zexy?" Demyx wondered. "I like that name."

"Well, I don't." Zexion responded, pulling a pocket knife from his pocket. "I don't like it at all." He took a look at the sleeping Roxas before dragging the knife over his wrist.

Xigbar pulled the knife from him before he could do too much damage to himself. "I thought you quit, mate." He told Zexion.

"I _did_." Zexion shot Axel a look. "I blame him." He slid into his seat and pulled the hood to his jacket over his eyes.

Xemnas plucked the blade from Xigbar and slipped it into his jacket pocket. "And what was the look at Roxas for?" Axel growled.

"He always tries to stop me." Zexion muttered from under the hood. "I wanted to be sure he was sleeping and didn't see me."

"Alright, alright, no fighting!" Xemnas growled, exasperated. "Can't you guys all _try_ to get along?"

"Try to get along, we can. Yeah, can." Vexen's words slurred and he laughed.

A twelve pack worth of beers were open and empty on the floor of the Humo.

"Vexen!" Xemnas scowled. "That's coming from your paycheck!"

"Zha va gloo va tho." Vexen gurgled.

"You know what pay check I mean." Xemnas scowled.

"Pretty colors." Lexaeus commented, trying to grab the air. "Come back…"

Xemnas sighed. Why was his Organization so screwed up?

Xemnas couldn't help but feel a huge wave of relief come over him when the Humo came to a stop in front of the Organization XIII Beach House. Xemnas was the first out into the salty air. He breathed in deeply through his nose. Nothing like the smells of the sea to wake you from a bad mood. The others piled out after him, clutching their bags. Axel carried the sleeping Roxas, bridal style, out with him. He kissed the boy passionately, waking him up. Roxas snapped from his sleeping state and wrapped his arms around the taller male's neck.

"Morning." Axel whispered against his lips once they separated.

"Morning." Roxas returned the greeting and pulled out of Axel's arms. "Let me down, please."

"Just let me hold you a little while more…" Axel snuggled into Roxas' hair.

"It's been _ages_ since we were here last!" Marluxia spun himself in a circle. "I can't believe we're back!"

Xemnas smiled, proud. "Glad you're happy, Marluxia." He told the so-gay-he-doesn't-know-it male. "Everyone go on in."

"Are we sure this place is safe to stay in?" Saïx wondered, backing up from a rat that scuttled by his feet. "It looks like…well…crap."

Sure enough, the building seemed to be very run down. Boards were hanging in front of the windows to serve as blinds and several windows were smashed. It appeared as though the front door had been kicked in, since it was hanging off it's hinges, but Xemnas had a feeling it wasn't.

"Oh, come on." Xemnas ordered. "It's not so bad."

"Except for the rats that keep going by." Saïx muttered, pointing to a group of rats running across the lawn.

"At least the view is nice." Roxas commented, looking up at Axel.

"I hope you mean the ocean, Roxas." Larxene informed. "Cause if not, then no, it's a terrible view."

The dark sky didn't leave much light to actually _see_ the view, so for anyone knew it was filled with garbage and pollution. Saïx looked up at the moon. "Least the moon's full." He spoke. "I'm sleeping under the stars." He looked to Marluxia. "Join me?" He raised and lowered his eyebrows, making Marluxia giggle.

"I don't think they're gonna be doing too much sleeping, if you know what I mean." Zexion muttered to Demyx.

Demyx played a chord on his sitar. "You're telling me." He answered, before going into a full-blown rift.

"What's going on?" Lexaeus wondered.

"Nothing, Lexaeus." Luxord responded. "Shut up for once in your life…no, I didn't mean you, Sebastian…blast." He clicked a button on the cell phone. "Damn it. He thinks I was talking to _him_."

"Nice work." Vexen sneered. "Now you've lost all your money for a while. The crab holds a grudge."

"I don't know why I bother with him." Luxord shook his head and dialed a new number on his phone. "Diz? What's up, my man?!" He walked off.

Vexen and Lexaeus shrugged before chasing after him, stumbling over their own feet and each other. Larxene sighed. "Great." She muttered.

"Ah, the life near the sea be the right life for me, matey." Xigbar told Xaldin.

"Stop talking like a pirate." Larxene scolded.

"_Thank_ you." Xemnas rolled his eyes.

"Does it bother you, wench? My salty seadog language?"

"I'll show _you_ salty seadog language." Larxene scowled, pulling out her knives. "You'd better run like hell."

Xigbar screamed and ran off, Larxene in tow. "Get your ass back here!" Larxene ordered.

"Well, I'm gonna go inside and wash my hands." Xaldin told Xemnas, scrubbing his hands with antibacterial soap.

"Isn't that enough?" Xemnas wondered.

"NO!" Xaldin freaked out and ran to the house.

Saïx and Marluxia giggled as they walked off together, holding hands loosely.

"What was that about?" Zexion watched after them.

"Who knows?" Demyx shrugged. "Let's go find some inspiration for my next song." He ordered.

They walked off together, talking about music.

"Well, Axel, Roxas, I guess it's just us now." Xemnas stated. "Boys?" He looked around to find them missing. A noise made him look down.

Axel lay on his back on the ground with Roxas sitting on top of him, straddling his hips. Neither bore shirts and Axel's pants were unzipped. Roxas was massaging one of Axel's nipples and their lips were fused.

"Ugh." Xemnas scowled.

He walked off. Maybe there was something in the house he could use to drill the last few images from his head…

A white TV Van drove down the dark highway in Twilight Town in silence. A balding man in a suit and tie sat in the back with a man who was cleaning the lens cap to his camera and a man wearing headphones, listening to feeds from a transmitter. The balding man wiped at his brow, swiping off sweat.

"Do you have _any_ idea where you're going?" The balding man questioned his female driver.

"Uh…sorry, Mr. McGraw. I think we're lost." The driver muttered sheepishly.

"Lost?" The brunette woman in the back wondered. "Ask for directions." She ordered Mr McGraw.

"Men don't ask for directions." The man with the headset told her.

"You need to pull your guy head out of your guy butt." Mr. McGraw ordered the man. "If my wife asks for something, you guys have to do it."

"Do it?" Questioned the man with the camera.

"Please, Riku, not in front of my wife."

Riku smirked. "Sorry, Mr. McGraw." He answered, cleaning the lens cap.

"Yeah, come on, Riku. Don't disrespect the lady with your talk." The man with the headset ordered.

"Like you're one to talk, Sora." Riku smirked. "Remember last week when you were telling Kairi of our latest sexual endeavor in full detail and Mrs. Nelson walked by? Poor thing must be scarred for life."

Sora stuck his tongue out at Riku. Riku made a biting motion and Sora put his tongue away, giggling maniacally.

"Come on, you two. Stop goofing off." The driver ordered. "Don't make me get out the tape."

The boys shuttered and went back to their respective jobs. They never should've role played Kingdom Hearts, the newest video game craze, when Kairi slept in their apartment that night.

"Uh oh." The driver stated. "Shit."

"Kairi…" Mr. McGraw scolded her. "Please, no swearing. A young woman like you shouldn't talk like that."

"Cut the crap, Phil. We're almost out of gas." She sneered.

As soon as she spoke, the van sputtered to a stop. Sora's equipment shut off. He flipped the switch back and forth and pounded on the keyboard, but nothing happened.

"I _knew_ we shouldn't have wired the computers to the van's engine." He moaned.

"Hey, your idea, not ours." Riku stated, standing. He walked over and set the camera on the useless keyboard. He kissed Sora and rubbed his shoulders. "We'll find gas somewhere." He was optimistic. "And we'll have the system up and running in no time." He kissed Sora's neck.

Sora lay slack in his chair and leaned into Riku's touch. "You're right." He muttered, eyes slowly closing.

"You know, if you want, we can divulge into your pasts and try to figure out why you crave sexual attention from other males…" Mr. McGraw started.

"We don't crave it from other males." Riku looked over his shoulder at his Boss. "We crave it from each other."

"And we get it." Sora muttered.

Riku kissed his temple.

"Let me rephrase." Mrs. McGraw answered. "We can divulge into your past and figure out what made you want to have sex with other males."

"We're no guests on the show, Robin." Riku snarled. "Don't diagnose us, either of you."

"Alright, alright." Kairi turned, knowing a fight was brewing and wanting to stop it…or see it, whichever worked out. "Look, there's a house over there at the top of the hill. Let's ask them for gas."

"Great idea, Kairi." Mr. McGraw answered and pushed open the back doors to the van.

Mrs. McGraw, Riku, and Sora climbed out the back after him. After Riku jumped down, he turned and put his arms out for Sora. Sora jumped into his arms and Riku spun him in a circle, kissing him. Kairi slammed the van's side door shut.

"Better lock it." She stated. She pressed a button on her keys and the van made a 'beep' noise.

"Let's go." Mr. McGraw walked up the gravel trail to the front door, the others in tow.

Riku carried Sora as if he was a prize to the top. He set him down once they got there. Sora stretched. "My legs needed a break." He commented.

Kairi rang the doorbell.

A man with silver hair answered. "Yes?" He wondered. "How may I help you?"

"Hello, there." Mr. McGraw smiled in greeting. "I am Doctor Phil McGraw. Perhaps you know me as Doctor Phil?"

"No, but go on." The man leaned on the door frame.

"This is my wife Robin, Kairi: Our driver, Riku: Our camera man, and Sora: Our technical guy."

"Look, if you want money, we don't got any."

"Our TV Van broke down outside your home here." Dr. Phil gestured to the van. "May we use a phone to call our studios for help?"

"Uh…sure. You can use Luxord's phone." The man pushed the door open wider with his foot. "Come on in, have a seat."

The inside of the place was a total wreck. A girl with blonde hair was chasing around a man in a pirate eye patch around the house. The man was screaming pirate lingo at her, which seemed to make her mad. An Emo looking boy sat on one of the couches with a man playing a Sitar, eyes focused on the instrument. A blue haired male stared out the window at the moon as though he loathed it. A blonde guy with a bluetooth came in from the other room, being followed by a red haired man and a sandy haired male, who was stumbling over his own feet.

"You know what to do if we don't get the money." The man with the bluetooth was saying. "Well, don't just give him a warning! Enforce the last one we gave him. Break his legs if you must."

A black haired man ran in and out of the room, the sink water running in the other room when he went in. A person with long pinkish hair was brushing and styling it in the mirror, but no one could tell if it was a man or a woman. But judging from the way that Riku and Sora were both checking out it's rear end, it was a male. Two males, one brunette and one redhead, sat on a couch together, lips joined. The redhead was leaning over the shirtless brunette. When Riku and Sora noticed, they stared at them. Kairi joined in too.

"Yaoi!" She whispered, rubbing her hands together.

The man with the silver hair came back with a cell phone. The man with the bluetooth and his followers were in tow.

"Here." The silver haired man told them.

"Don't break it…or else." The blonde sneered, making Sora hide behind Riku.

The man with the sand colored hair shot ice from his finger tips into the ground.

"Right." Dr. Phil took it and turned away. He dialed a number. "Selphie? Cancel the guests for the next week…well, just reschedule them…we just found our next big story…"


	3. Session One

Dlbn here with chapter three! Sorry for the long wait!

Xemnas shifted in his spot on the couch the next morning. First these guys wanted to use a phone, and now they wanted to video tape his Organization? What was their deal?!

The brown haired boy who had deemed himself to be Sora wore a headset and held a tape recorder in his hand. The other boy, Riku, was setting a camera on a tripod, much to the delight of Roxas. For once, the brunette wasn't attached to Axel. He watched Riku set up the camera as if fascinated.

"Roxas, go sit down." Sora ordered, shoving him lightly.

"Aw, come on, Sora." Roxas rolled his eyes. "I like technology, you know that."

Sora rolled his eyes. "Whatever, cousin."

Xemnas blinked. No wonder the two of them seemed so close…

"_Why_ are we doing this?" Larxene wondered, playing with her knives.

"Your little group here is very fascinating." Dr. Phil informed, standing next to Kairi with his arms folded. "We were hoping to make a documentary."

"You mean diagnose us." Axel sneered, folding his arms and sliding into his seat. "I know who you are, and we don't need that kind of help."

"_You _might." Zexion sneered. "There's got to be some reason you're obsessed with fire."

"I am not obsessed." Axel slid his hand into his pocket.

Zexion rolled his eyes. Demyx began playing on his sitar again. "Come on, you two, cut it out." He rolled his eyes. "I'm a Hydro and I don't fight with the Pyro as much."

"Zip it." Axel ordered.

Dr. Phil wrote something in a spiral notebook. Kairi and Robin watched over his shoulder.

"That's terrible, honey." Robin scolded.

"It's just what I'm observing." Dr. Phil smiled at her.

"Are you ready over there, Riku?" Kairi looked to the silver haired boy. "This might get real ugly real soon."

"I'm almost done." Riku stated. "This is a very delicate process, if I'm gonna get the right resolution."

Kairi sighed and sat on the ground. A cockroach sped over her foot. She squealed and stood up. "This place is filthy!" She complained. "Don't you guys _clean _it?!"

"Dirt!" Xaldin cried, running into the kitchen.

Xemnas held his hand in his hand. "You just _had_ to set him off, didn't you." He muttered.

"What's his problem?" Kairi wondered.

"Hypochondriac." Xigbar told her. "It's a big annoying at times, believe you me."

"Believe you me?"

"Uh…he runs the pirate ship ride at the Amusement Park That Never Was." Xemnas tried to explain. "And sometimes he brings his lingo and his accent home with him." He scratched the back of his neck.

"Sometimes?" Saïx wondered, playing with a strand of his long blue hair. "He's always like this. I think the pirate stuff came _before_ he got the job."

"He's right." Marluxia agreed, folding his legs. He put his hands, one on top of each other, on his knees. "Xigbar's been like this as long as I've known him." He snapped his wrist in a wave.

Riku and Sora shared a look.

"He's worse then you two are." Kairi informed.

"Shut it, Kairi." Riku ordered. "Done and ready to roll."

"Alright." Dr. Phil smiled. "Maybe we can start with some introductions?"

"Sound off." Xemnas ordered. "Xemnas."

"Xigbar." A pirate accent continued.

"Xaldin." Xaldin ran into the kitchen.

"Vexen." His words were slurred.

"Lexaeus." A pause. "Pretty colors."

"Zexion." It was hardly inaudible.

"Saïx." Somewhat annoyed tone to it.

"Axel." A flare of fire came from a lighter.

"Demyx" A chord.

"Luxord." A growl.

"Marluxia!" A girly cry.

"Larxene." A bored sneer.

"Roxas!" A peppy tone.

"Go, Doctor Phil." Sora cried, pointing foreword and holding his headset with the other hand.

Dr. Phil stepped in front of the camera when Riku motioned to him. "I'm Dr. Phil." He greeted the camera. "Over the years, we've had a lot of interesting guests on the show. Well today, we're going to take a look into the lives of a group of thirteen men…"

"Twelve!" Larxene cried. "I'm a _girl_!"

"Twelve men and one…"

"Eleven!" Marluxia cried.

"Twelve men and one woman, who have opened our home to them, on this special edition of 'The Doctor Phil House'." Dr. Phil ignored Marluxia.

Cheesy upbeat music played from the cassette player Sora held. He shut it off when Kairi nudged him with her elbow. Dr. Phil adjusted his tie and cleared his throat, embarrassed.

"This extraordinary group of people is a collage of personalities and backgrounds, but they are all here with one goal in mind: To get the help they need to become functioning members of society."

Xemnas cleared his throat. "We _are_ functioning members of society." He corrected the Doctor. "And you didn't plan this. Your van broke down outside our home and you found us easy to exploit!"

"Uh…we'll get rid of that in editing." Riku promised. "Kairi, make a note of it. Damn…I'm still recording!"

Sora chuckled and nudged Riku in the arm.

"Ever since my crew and I had the pleasure of meeting these people, it has been nothing but a mine field of dysfunction, which somehow seems to be functional enough for them." Dr. Phil went on as though what had happened was common. "The first thing we needed to do with our guests was to identify each of their predicaments."

"Predicaments?" Roxas repeated, snuggling against Axel.

"Some were obvious right off of the bat." Dr. Phil looked to Axel, who was playing with a lighter, flicking it open and shut in a rhythm.

The camera followed his view. Dr. Phil looked to Marluxia, fixing his hair in the pink mirror again and making kissy faces at it this time. Then he looked to Xigbar, who was attempting to screw a fake hook hand on his left hand. Xaldin ran in from the kitchen, looked at his hand, and then ran back in. Vexen's eyes rolled and Luxord dialed a new number on his cell phone, appearing to be muttering to himself.

Xemnas rolled his eyes. "I do not appreciate the notion that we have something wrong with us." He told Dr. Phil. "We're perfectly normal."

"One of us is obsessed with fire, one's afraid of germs, one's clingy, one's a drunk, one's a junkie, one is _convinced_ he is a pirate, one thinks he's a woman, and one's on his freaking bluetooth twenty-four seven." Larxene sneered.

"And one's a total bitch." Axel added.

"There is _nothing _normal about us." Larxene hissed through clenched teeth. "But there's nothing wrong either. This is just the way we are, and get that damn camera out of my face, or I'll break it."

Riku swiveled the camera to Dr. Phil, who was adjusting his tie again and shifting uncomfortably.

"Others were not so easy to distinguish." Dr. Phil went on, trying to seem calm and collected. "So we will start with a little word association." He looked towards the Organization. "Who wants to go first?"

No one answered him.

"Please, everyone!" Dr. Phil begged. "If we are ever to get on the road to recovery, we need to do these exercises. This is a changing day in your life! Who wants to start the healing first?"

No response again.

"Fine." Dr. Phil sighed. "You are an Organization, correct?"

"Organization XIII, yes." Xemnas told him. "What's your point?"

"An organization is like a car." Dr. Phil started off. "It only moves if all the parts are in proper working order. Do you want to be a rusty gear? Or a locked break?"

"We aren't _cars_, jackass, we're people." Larxene sneered. "This has no effect on us. We have no hearts."

"Alright, I'm assuming each of you have a number in this Organization, one through thirteen if I'm right?"

Everyone looked at one another, but they didn't say anything. This was not going well.

"I'll take your silence as a 'yes'." Dr. Phil ran a hand over his almost completely hairless head. "So I'll pick a number, at random, between one and thirteen. Whoever's number I pick, they'll go."

"It's like dealing with children." Riku whispered to Robin.

She nodded. "I agree." She answered.

"Six." Dr. Phil called a number.

Zexion pulled his hood over his eyes. "Kill me now." He muttered.

"You can do it yourself." Saïx muttered back. "Or at least you will, if you cut wrong."

"I take it that number six is you, young man?" Dr. Phil looked to Zexion.

"Mph." Zexion grunted.

"So why don't you take that hood off and we'll get started?"

Zexion mumbled to himself and pushed the hood back, his blackish yet periwinkle hair falling into his eyes. "Fine." He snorted.

"I'll say a word and you say the first one that comes to mind, alright?"

Zexion blinked, hoping his hair was hiding his flush.

"Ice cream."

"Work."

"Cold."

"Knife."

"Warm."

"Blood."

"Cut?"

"Relief."

Dr. Phil blinked. "Do you have a knife on you?"

"Yeah." Zexion shook his hair from his eyes and gave Dr. Phil an icy glare.

"Uh…do you two mind?" Robin wondered.

The camera panned over to Axel and Roxas, who were too busy swapping spit to notice.

"Axel, Roxas!" Xemnas hissed, nudging Axel's foot with his own.

They separated. "What?" Axel wondered.

Xemnas pointed to the camera. They looked. Roxas' eyes were wide as dinner plates.

"Don't like, don't look." Axel sneered. He stood and pulled Roxas out of the room with him.

"May I see your knife?" Dr. Phil wondered, trying to draw attention back to himself and Zexion.

"Uh…" Zexion pulled it out and flicked it open. He ran his tongue along the side of the blade and held it towards Dr. Phil. "I doubt you'd want it now."

Dr. Phil took it. "Son, if germs bothered me, I would be running to the bathroom every five seconds to wash my hands, like your friend over there."

Riku panned the camera to catch the tail of Xaldin's Organization coat going into the kitchen.

"That's a kitchen, smart-ass." Larxene sneered.

"That works, little lady." Dr. Phil looked over the knife, turning it in his hands. "I spot blood." He stated. "May I see your wrists?"

Zexion pulled his gloves further into his jacket. "No."

"Do you cut, son?" Dr. Phil wondered.

"Uh…"

"You don't have to answer, Zexy." Demyx played a tune on his sitar, fingers running over the fret. "It's not his business. We're no test subjects."

Sora watched Demyx play, fascinated. "That is _so cool_!" He commented.

"Sora, we're still taping." Riku muttered.

Kairi snickered.

"Shut up, then, both of you. Go get it on in a bedroom or something." She ordered. "I'll man the camera."

"Don't you mean woman the camera?" Sora wondered, trying to be funny.

"…No."

"Is there any particular reason?" Dr. Phil looked at Zexion. "A traumatic experience, perhaps? Not feeling appreciated?"

"Oh, I make him feel appreciated _every night_." Demyx chuckled, raising and lowering his eyebrows. He pulled Zexion close by the waist. "Right, Zexy?"

Zexion slapped his cheek and pulled back. "Stop it." He ordered.

"How old are you, Zexion?" Dr. Phil wondered.

"…16…"

"16, huh? Is it safe to assume that you are the youngest of the group?"

"Second youngest. What of it?"

"A bit of teenage angst involved here, perhaps?"

"Look, you, I don't need you to diagnose my problems. I just like the cold blade against my skin. Alright?"

Dr. Phil blinked. "Moving on here. How about I pick another number…"

"How about we call you a mechanic and you get the hell out of here?" Larxene offered with a sneer. "Luxord, give me your phone."

"You're not touching my I-phone." Luxord snarled. "I need it for work."

"I'll pick another number." Dr. Phil offered. "How about four?"

Vexen blinked and raised his hand enthusiastically. "_I'm _number four!" He informed.

"Great." Dr. Phil smiled. "At least there is _someone_ here who wants healing. You understand how a word association works, don't you?" Dr. Phil wrote something in his notebook.

"Uh huh!" Vexen nodded enthusiastically. "I do!"

"Let's begin. Summer."

"Beer."

"Swimming."

"Beer."

"Night."

"Beer."

"Bar."

"Beer."

"Beer?"

"Beer."

Dr. Phil scratched the top of his head. "I think I've got this one down. You drink a lot, don't you?"

Vexen gasped dramatically. "How did you _know_?!"

"You're _act_ing drunk now." A voice offered.

Everyone looked at one another. Who was that?

"You all know it's true." The man said again.

Lexaeus looked at Xigbar. "Is that you?" He wondered.

"Who else would it be?"

"You…you don't have your accent!" Xemnas exclaimed. "It's a miracle!"

"What are you talking about, govner?" The accent returned.

"Never mind…" Xemnas sighed, unhappy again.

"Why do you drink, Mr…uh…" Dr. Phil wondered.

"That's Vexen." Xemnas told Dr. Phil.

"Vexen." Dr. Phil repeated. "Is there any particular reason why you drink? Other then the taste of beer?"

"Whenever he's depressed, he goes out and don't come back until late at night." Demyx informed.

"How do you know that?" Xemnas leaned foreword to get a better look at the Hydro.

"We're up late." Demyx nodded his head at Zexion before going back to his sitar.

Zexion flushed. "Not for the reason you think." He spoke quickly.

"Vexen? Do you drink when you're depressed?"

Vexen sniffled. "Yes." He answered.

"Are you aware that the answer to life's problems is not in the bottom of the bottle?" Dr. Phil wondered.

Vexen sniffled and rubbed his eyes with his arm. "No." He answered.

"Well, maybe we found our problem." Dr. Phil wrote something in his notebook again. "I think that's enough word association for today. We'll do some more tomorrow during a few one-on-one sessions."

"Does this mean we can go?" Xemnas wondered.

The Organization stood as one.

"No, we're not done." Dr. Phil answered.

Grumbling, they all sat again. "We still have some exercises to go." Dr. Phil told them.

"Do we _have_ to?" Demyx wondered. "We want to go out and do stuff."

"Stuff?" Dr. Phil wondered. "What kind of stuff?"

"Stuff that doesn't involve assuming we're nutcases!" Larxene growled.

"Yeah. We have things to do. Normal things." Lexaeus commented.

"Well…I suppose a ten minute break wouldn't be a problem." Dr. Phil scratched his neck. "But…"

Before he could say anything more, the others fled. Silence filled the room. It was Riku who broke it.

"And cut."


	4. A Little Break

Dlbn: Hey there! In honor of Marvex day 2009, I give to you chapter four of A Very Disorganized Organization Vacation! Enjoy!  
Nbld: Thanks to Jhyena Aj Jax for reviewing!

Demyx sat on a rock, sitar on his lap. Zexion sat with him, just watching the ocean. Soft tunes floated from Demyx's sitar, making Zexion want to take a little nap in the sun.

"Ugh." Demyx crossed out something in the notebook next to him and wrote something else. "One, two, three." He counted before he played another tune.

A moment or two passed before he grunted again and changed what was written. Zexion reached across and took the notebook. Music staffs and measures were scrawled across the page, lyrics under them. Zexion raised an eyebrow and flushed at what was written: Demyx's silent confession of love. He handed it back.

"What do you think?" Demyx flushed, sliding closer to Zexion.

"It's good." Zexion answered, looking away.

Demyx grasped Zexion's chin and turned his head to face him. "How good?"

Zexion kissed him quickly and pulled back just as fast. "Very."

Demyx smiled and fused their lips together again.

"Ugh." Larxene walked past, hood up. "Get a room, you two." She ordered.

Larxene stepped into the shade provided by the large tree a few yards away from the couple. Luxord was under them, playing cards with himself.

When she stopped in front of him, he looked up. "Poker?" He offered her.

"And owe you money?" She wondered. "As if." She snorted, sitting down on the opposite side of the cards. "I'm just trying to get away for Marluxia. He wants me to paint my nails with him."

"I think he likes you." Luxord told her, moving a couple of cards around.

"Likes me? He thinks he's a girl." Larxene pushed her hood back and stuck out her tongue. "And I'm no lesbian."

"I know that." Luxord stated. "But maybe deep down he really _is_ straight."

A light on Luxord's bluetooth lit up bright red. "Got a call." He informed. He touched the bluetooth. "Luxord."

Larxene sighed and lay on her back. She folded her arms under her head. "I'm surrounded by morons."

"Thanks a ton, Larxene." Luxord told her.

"Any time."

"You're in a bad mood." Saïx commented, kneeling down next to her. "What's your deal?"

"I'm always like this." She sneered. "It isn't a bad mood. And what about you? You're always either staring at that heart shaped moon or staring at drawings or paintings or pictures of the moon. Sounds like an obsession to me."

"It isn't an obsession." Saïx sat next to her, leaning back on his hand, with his legs crossed out in front of him. "The moon is a gorgeous thing."

"Sure it is."

"It is." He argued. "I could stare at it for hours on end if I really wanted to."

"You _do_ stare at it for hours on end." Larxene snarled. "What else would you call it?"

He shrugged and closed his eyes, letting the moon's radiance tease along his pale skin. She sighed and fought the urge to just stalk off.

"What? No snide comments to share, Larxene?" Saïx wondered.

She gave him a look. "No."

"Uh…Larxene…" Luxord trailed. "Marluxia's coming."

She sat up quickly. "What?!" She hissed.

Sure enough, Marluxia was walking over with his over-exaggerated hip swinging. She stood. "Gotta run." She flipped her hood up and ran off, using shadows for cover.

______________________________________________________________________________

Riku and Sora peered out from the side of a tree across from the one that Luxord and Saïx were still sitting under. Sora held the tape recorder and Riku held the video camera. Riku looked down at Sora, and Sora looked up at him.

"These guys are a gold mine!" Sora whispered. "Forget giving the footage to Phil." He shook his head. "We could sell it to Hollywood and make a movie! Twice the pay!"

"I don't know about that, Sora." Riku whispered, shaking his head. "The movie business doesn't always work out."

"So? We could make it! These guys are one big teen angst movie!"

"Stop dreaming, Sora." Riku ordered.

Sora stared at the red light blinking on the camera. "Is your camera still on?"

Riku looked at it. "Shit." He cursed, turning it off.

"You need to learn to shut things off before we start taking. Now, if we give the tape to Phil, he'll hear that conversation!"

"Don't worry. I'll get it in editing before I hand it over."

Sora scowled. "Riku! You know Kairi does editing! If she watches it and hears what we were saying, she'll open her mouth!"

"Oh, come on." Riku rolled his eyes. "We've been friends with Kairi since we were little. We hung out on the Islands together, remember?!"

"So?"

"She wouldn't turn us in." Riku waved off Sora's suspicions. "Sides, we'll go in the editing room and fix it before she gets the tape."

"Well…I guess so…but we don't know how to edit things like she does."

"Fine. Then I'll rewind and tape over the conversation."

They both ducked back behind the tree as Larxene ran past. "Leave me alone!" She cried.

"But Larxene! I need your he-elp!" Marluxia cried, following her.

"Ask someone else and leave me alone!"

Riku and Sora came back out from behind the tree. "That was a close one." Sora told Riku. "Come on. Let's go edit that tape."

They left towards where the van had stopped dead. Sora reached the van first and pulled open one of the rear doors. Kairi sat inside, legs folded. She smiled at them. "Tape?" She wondered, holding a hand out to them.

"How'd you know?" Sora wondered, smile fading away.

"I just had a feeling." She smirked. "Now let me edit it so you two can go and get busy in one of the rooms that Xemnas guy let us use."

"You know, Kairi, it isn't exactly enough footage yet." Riku told her. "Why don't you just edit it tomorrow, after we get more?"

"I think I should edit this first and save it on a backup tape." She argued. "Is there something on there you don't want me to see, Riku?"

"No, of course not." Riku hoped to the Flying Spaghetti Monster that he wasn't flushing.

"Maybe you two accidentally taped yourselves?"

"Exactly." Sora jumped into the conversation. "We accidentally taped ourselves getting it on in the storage closet, and we wanted to…uh…watch?"

Riku gave Sora a look that told him he was an idiot.

"Well…alright. Have your little Yaoi Fest in here." She laughed and stood. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight." Riku and Sora answered as one, watching her leave the van and shut the door behind her.

A dead bolt clicked and they knew she had locked them in. Sora tried to pull the door open, but nothing happened.

"Uh…Sora? It's a push…" Riku told him.

Sora flushed and pushed on the door. "Nothing. Damn it, Kairi!"

Riku set the camera on the console. "Well, at least we have the van all to ourselves."

There was a wicked gleam in his eye that Sora couldn't mistake for anything else. It was _happy hour_!

______________________________________________________________________________

Xemnas sighed and flipped through the magazine that was left on the coffee table the last time he and the Organization members were there…three years ago. What in the world was wrong with his Organization? The others didn't take him seriously, and now some Doctor with an ego problem was trying to find out what was wrong with them and fix it? Nothing could make the day worse. Larxene ran by, being chased by Marluxia.

"I think a nice coral would go with your skin tone!" Marluxia called after her, holding up a vial of pail pink nail polish.

"I'm not using no damned nail polish!" Larxene snapped. "Try getting Axel and Roxas to do it!"

"Behave, you two!" Xemnas called after them.

They didn't answer him, but he could hear indistinct yelling coming from the back. Roxas and Axel walked in from the kitchen. Axel held a bottle of wine behind his back and Roxas held an open beer in his hand.

"Hey, wait a minute." Xemnas stopped them. "You're not 21, are you, Roxas?"

"No, why?" Roxas wondered.

"Hand over the beer. You're underage. That's not good."

"The drinking age isn't 21 anymore." Axel put his hand over Roxas' mouth to stop him from calling out his lie. "It's 15. Right, Roxas?"

Roxas nodded and pried Axel's hand off. He held it by his side, their fingers intertwined. "Right." Roxas smiled up at Axel.

"Really?" Xemnas wondered, eyebrow raised. "Huh." He went back to his magazine. "I did _not_ know that."

Axel gave Roxas a smirk and pulled him out of the room.

"He's gonna find out we lied to him." Roxas informed.

"Oh, big deal." Axel rolled his emerald eyes. "You and I both know he has no backbone. He won't do anything about it."

"Well, _yeah_…but…"

"Don't worry about it." Axel kissed Roxas' temple as they began to ascend the staircase.

Before Dr. Phil and his crew had arrived, the Organization members had claimed their own bedrooms. The one Axel and Roxas choose only had one bed, so there was more room if they got wasted and decided to 'play pretend'. Axel pushed the door open with his shoulder and they disappeared inside. Roxas shut the door as Axel walked over to the desk to put on a CD.

"Get away from me, you freak!" Larxene's voice cried from the other side of the door.

"I need your opinion!" Marluxia's voice argued as footsteps came closer to the door.

"Is he bothering Larxene again?" Axel wondered. "I swear, one day, she's gonna be the death of him."

"And then we get to laugh." Roxas nodded.

Axel laughed and pressed play on the CD player. Sultry music flew from the speakers.

"Nice." Roxas snickered as Axel walked over to him.

Axel held up the bottle of wine and popped the cork. "Ready for a little fun?"

______________________________________________________________________________

Saïx lay down on his bed, staring out the window at the moon. Luxord was playing cards on his cell phone on the bed across from Saïx. The two had opted to share a room because they both liked quiet, and neither would bother the other. They had their share of problems: Saïx was sure that Luxord had a gambling problem and Luxord didn't seem to care for Saïx at all. But as long as they didn't voice their problems, it was fine. Luxord's cell rang and he cursed. He pressed the button on his bluetooth to activate it.

"Luxord." He greeted the caller. "What? No, he can't have until next Tuesday…well you tell Waka that I don't care. That isn't my problem!"

Saïx often wondered how many people owed Luxord money, and how many of them were never heard from again. His guess was a lot.

"I don't care if his boyfriend's in a coma! He has to pay me! Yes, I know medical bills are expensive…well, he should've thought of that before he borrowed money."

"You can't predict when someone's going to land in a coma, Luxord." Saïx informed him. "Humans are very fragile things."

"He walked into friggin traffic." Luxord hissed to Saïx. "It's his own damn fault."

"Yes, but…"

"Don't talk about things you don't understand." Luxord waved him off. "No, not you."

Saïx sighed. Where in the Universe That Never Was did Luxord get his reasoning skills? Or his logic, for that matter. Luxord grunted and hit the button on his bluetooth again.

"Not getting your money?" Saïx wondered, not really caring.

To Saïx's surprise, Luxord answered. "I'm getting my money." He sneered. "Waka just wants another week."

"You gonna give it to him?"

"No." Luxord shook his head. "I talked him down to three days."

"Alright then…" Saïx sighed.

This was gonna be one hell of a vacation.


	5. Session Two

Dlbn: Thank you to Tyler Willis for reviewing the last chapter. Here is chapter five!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Demyx's sitar played music that floated down the hall from his and Zexion's bedroom. In the bathroom down the hall, Zexion slid his metal blade across his left wrist. The cold metal felt good. Zexion watched the blood drip from the blade to the sink.

"Um." He grunted, clenching his fist.

His wound overflowed red. He turned his wrist over so that the cut was facing the sink. Plop…plop…plop. The blood fell against the sink. Zexion turned on the water. Red water slid down into the drain, swirling before it vanished. Zexion pressed a rag against the cut.

"Hey, who's in there?" A knock came on the door. "Can you let me know when you're done?"

"Uh…one minute, Marluxia!" Zexion responded. "Almost done!"

He wiped his blade off with the rag and shoved the rag behind the toilet. He put the blade in his pocket and put his glove back on to hide his bloody wrist. Zexion walked to the door and unlocked it before pushing it open. Marluxia stood behind the door with a vial of nail polish in his left hand.

"Uh…" Zexion didn't know what to say.

"Hi." Marluxia smiled. "Thanks."

"Uh huh." Zexion walked around Marluxia.

"Hey, wait!"

Zexion turned. "Yeah?"

Marluxia took Zexion's hand and pushed the vial into it. "Hold, please!" He walked into the bathroom and shut the door.

Zexion shook his head and walked off into his bedroom. Demyx looked up when he saw the Emo boy enter. He smiled, but his eyes quickly went to the nail polish.

"I don't think pink is your color, Zexy." He told him.

"It's Marluxia's." Zexion looked down at it. "Why am I still holding this?" He threw it over his shoulder, into the hallway.

"Why did he give it to you?"

"To hold while he's in the bathroom."

"Hm…" Demyx went back to his guitar. "I always knew he was meant to be a woman."

Zexion chuckled and shut the door. "You're right." He agreed, walking to his own bed and sitting down.

"Tell me what you think?" Demyx wondered.

His hands played a new melody on the sitar. He began to sing the lyrics Zexion had read from his notebook earlier. Seemed like he was done with the song.

After what seemed like eternity, the music stopped and Demyx was flushing darkly, watching Zexion. "Well?" He wondered.

"It's…amazing." Zexion smirked. "Very nicely done."

Demyx smiled. "You're not just patronizing me, are you?"

"No, I'm not." Zexion stood and joined Demyx on his bed. "Who's it for?" He wondered, shaking his hair from his eyes.

"I'll give you a guess."

Zexion pondered the lyrics for a moment. "Me?" He wondered.

Demyx smirked. He leaned close enough so that their lips weren't touching, but they were about to. "You win." He pressed his lips to Zexion's.

Zexion froze in his spot. He hadn't anticipated that…

* * *

The next morning came around quickly. Xemnas and his Organization sat in the living room again. Axel and Roxas were keeping their hands to themselves for once, much to the surprise of the others. Demyx and Zexion seemed like they were a bit closer then before, and Larxene was staying as far from Marluxia as she could. Dr. Phil stood in front of them with his notebook. Kairi and Mrs. McGraw were chatting quietly to the side.

Dr. Phil tapped his foot on the ground. "Where are Riku and Sora?" He questioned.

"I haven't seen them since last night." Kairi was flushing. She obviously knew something.

"I heard noises coming from your van before we all went in for bed." Roxas told the Doctor.

Dr. Phil groaned. "I keep _telling_ them that they can't do that in my van."

Xaldin ran into the kitchen and Xemnas groaned.

"Well, I guess there's no camera crew." Larxene stated. "No crew means no filming. No filming means we don't need to sit here." She stood and stretched.

"Aye, mate." Xigbar agreed as Xaldin came back in. "A captain is nothing without his mighty crew!" He stood and pointed towards the air.

Xemnas pulled him back onto the couch by the coat. "Sit down and shut up." He ordered.

"What be the problem, Captain?" Xigbar wondered.

"_You_ be the problem, mate." Xemnas hissed through clenched teeth. "Cut the Pirate shit."

The front door slammed open and Riku and Sora walked in. They looked as though they hadn't gotten much sleep the night before, but yet were somehow awake and alert. Riku glared daggers at Kairi. "You!" He hissed.

"Me?" She wondered, pointing to herself.

"You locked us in the van all night!" Sora told her.

"I was only trying to give you guys some time alone." Kairi took a step back, not meeting Dr. Phil's gaze.

"Alright, alright." Dr. Phil told them. "You can't take back stupid."

"Uh…_what_?" Riku wondered.

"Cut the crap, Phil!" Sora ordered. "Kairi…we'll get even." He took a step foreword.

She backed up and ran off, screaming.

"Get back here!" Riku ordered, as he and Sora gave chase.

After watching the three run around and around for a few moments, Dr. Phil stepped in-between Kairi and the boys.

"Alright, you three. Stop, please. We have some filming to do." He told them.

Riku and Sora grumbled and went outside. They came back with their equipment. "Alright." Riku agreed.

"If you say so." Mumbled Sora.

The Organization groaned as a unit. Not this again. As Riku and Sora set up what they had to, and the members of the Organization did the best they could to not just get up and leave. There would be no ending this if they did that.

"And ready in four, three, two, one…Go, Doctor Phil!" Kairi cried.

"The last session of Dr. Phil had it's ups and downs. It's ins and outs." Dr. Phil told the camera. "But maybe today will go better. We still have some issues to uncover."

"We don't _have_ issues!" Roxas announced, his words slurring a bit.

Axel snickered and elbowed him. He hiccupped. "Sh, Roxas." He ordered softly.

Dr. Phil turned to the Organization. "How about we restart our word association?"

He received no answer, only blank stares.

"I'll take that as go on ahead. Now, I believe that I chose the numbers six and four, no?"

"Uh…yeah…" Zexion was glad he was off the hook.

"So how about I choose a couple more? One, perhaps?"

"Shit." Xemnas cursed aloud.

"Excuse me." Dr. Phil scolded. "This is family program. Please refrain from any and all…"

"We can get it in editing." Riku hissed. "Just keep going!"

"Alright." Dr. Phil pulled out his notebook. "How about some word association then?"

"No."

"No?"

"There is nothing wrong with me…or my Organization for that matter." Xemnas uncrossed and re-crossed his legs. "We've got out share of problems, like anyone does, but not bad enough that we need a psychiatric diagnosis."

"People don't see what they want to." Dr. Phil told him. "They completely blind themselves to the things they don't want to see. Such is human nature."

"We're not human." Xemnas pointed out.

Riku and Sora shared a look.

"We're nobodies created when mortal humans become heartless."

"Well, I think we've got his diagnosis." Riku muttered. "Delusions."

"Riku, stop it!" Sora scolded. "Hush!" He put a finger over his lips to silence his lover.

Riku obliged, making a key locking motion over his own lips.

"I am not delusional." Xemnas shook his head. "It's true, right?" He looked to his Organization for backup.

"Yeah, well…" Most were muttering to themselves. "Uh huh."

"Oh, come on!" Xemnas groaned. "Back me up!"

No one answered him. Zexion hid his snickering behind a gloved hand.

"You know, _this _is what our problem is! Our _problem _is that none of you take this seriously!"

"No one takes _you_ seriously." Larxene flashed a smirk and rolled her eyes at the same time. "You're such an idiot sometimes."

Xemnas slid down into the couch, hoping that maybe if he went far enough, it would swallow him up. "Thanks a ton, Larxene."

"So…" Dr. Phil tried to get his own opinion in. "You think your Organization doesn't take things seriously enough?"

"No shit, buddy." Xemnas cursed.

"Now, what did I say about…?"

"We'll get it in editing!" Kairi, Sora, and Riku yelled at once.

Dr. Phil ignored them. "Is one of those things _you_, perhaps, number one?"

"Look, it's Xemnas. Not number one, not anything else. Just Xemnas." He glared at a snickering Marluxia. "And it's definitely not _'Man Sex' _either."

The Organization cracked up. Xemnas rolled his eyes and rubbed at them with his coat sleeve. "Whatever." He sneered. "I'm out of here. Deal with the Doc on your own." He walked towards the kitchen, before Xaldin ran out and collided with him.

Xaldin made it out of falling, but Xemnas wasn't so lucky. He fell to the ground.

"Oof!" He cried in dismay. He rubbed his rear end as his Organization started to laugh.

"Are you alright?" Robin wondered, walking to his side.

"I'm fine." He pushed her outstretched hand away and stood on his own accord.

"Xemnas, wait." Dr. Phil tried to stop him.

Xemnas waved him off over his shoulder and went out through the back door. Xaldin stood there for a moment, scratching his neck, before he ran back into the kitchen.

"Ignore him." Larxene ordered, looking over her knives. "He'll be fine in a few minutes."

"Alright." Dr. Phil sighed. "How about we choose someone else, hm? How about you, little lady?"

"Okay!" Marluxia agreed.

They ignored him.

"I _thought_ you were picking numbers." Larxene sneered.

"Well, since you seem to want to get your word in there, I say we'll just have you go."

Larxene scowled.

"So you know how the word association works, so we'll just start."

No response.

"Pain."

No response.

"Love?"

No response.

"Are you doing this on purpose?"

Larxene blinked.

Dr. Phil sighed. "Alright. It seemed as though some people were reluctant to try out the exercises." Dr. Phil turned to the camera. "But others seemed willing."

The Organization members stood and slid out of the room as he was rambling.

"I decided to try a new strategy, which I hoped…"

"Uh…Phil?" Sora wondered.

"Sora, not now. We're filming." Dr. Phil scolded. "A new strategy which I hoped would stimulate their interest in the program and…"

"Phil!" Sora hissed.

"We're filming, Sora, please." Dr. Phil answered.

"We're filming _empty couches_!"

Dr. Phil turned around to the almost empty furniture. Marluxia sat on one of the couches, fixing his hair. "Well, at least _someone_ is interested in the therapy."

"Huh?" Marluxia wondered, looking around. "Oh." He stood and walked off, still fixing his hair.

Dr. Phil held his head in his hands. "Son of a bitch."

"Phil!" Robin scolded.

"I don't get it! What is _with_ these people?!" He wondered. "Wouldn't you think they'd want help? So that they can _function_?!"

"Apparently not, Phil." Kairi confirmed. "Maybe we should let them have a little time alone. You know, to think it over?"

"I suppose so…Riku?" Dr. Phil wondered. "Are you still filming?"

"Shit!"


	6. A Boy and His Dress

Dlbn: hey there, everyone! It's Dlbn here with another chapter and more dysfunction! Yay!!

Nbld: Thanks to Tyler Willis and Nekotsubasa for reviewing chapter five. Digital cookie!

Xemnas sat under a tree by the beach, watching the waves roll off the sand. Why did no one in this Organization took him seriously? If it wasn't for him, there would _be_ no Organization…technically. He was their leader, wasn't he? Xemnas heard a coat brush across the sand and looked up. Marluxia walked over, pink mirror in hand. He sat down next to Xemnas.

"What cha up to?" Marluxia wondered. He noticed the tears on Xemnas' face. "You want to tell Marly what's the matter?"

"No one takes me serious, Marluxia." Xemnas admitted to the girly male. "What kind of an Organization doesn't take their leader seriously?"

"A very unorganized Organization."

Xemnas blinked. Where had he heard that before? Maybe on the TV?

"I guess you're right." Xemnas sighed. "I just wish at least _one_ person could take me seriously."

"_I _take you seriously." Marluxia stated, handing Xemnas his mirror. "You want to use my mirror?"

"Uh…no? Thank you, though." Xemnas lightly pushed his hand away.

"Hey, don't let them get to you." Marluxia wrapped an arm around Xemnas' neck. "You are a good leader and you know it."

"Well…I suppose I _do_ think pretty highly of my leadership abilities…"

Marluxia giggled. "See? Marly's here to cheer you up. Any time you need it!" Marluxia giggled.

Xemnas pushed his arm away. "Mind not calling yourself Marly?"

"But I _like_ the name Marly." Marluxia stated. "If I was a girl, I would definitely get my name legally changed to Marlene or Marla, just so I could be called Marly."

"Why not just name yourself Marly?"

"Because it's so much cuter when it's a nickname!"

"Uh…" Xemnas trailed. "If you think so…Marly…"

Marluxia gasped. "You called me Marly!" He latched onto Xemnas' neck, making Xemnas regret calling him that. "You're my new best friend, you know that?!"

Okay. Now Xemnas _really_ regretted calling Marluxia 'Marly'.

"Get off." Xemnas ordered.

"Aw…" Marluxia sulked and pulled away. He pouted. "But…best friends always hug each other!"

"Yeah, well it's creepy. Stop, please. I think I felt something."

Marluxia blinked. "Like what?"

Xemnas blinked, but didn't answer. No way Marluxia was this stupid…er…never mind…

Axel and Roxas walked by together, barefoot, loosely holding hands. Xemnas sighed. They were lucky to have fallen in love with someone else…even if it was another guy. Xemnas very much doubted he'd ever feel that for someone else. But he was pretty sure Marluxia felt that way for a lot of people…Larxene, Saïx…Xemnas…

Ew. The more he thought about it, the more it made him sick.

_Think happy thoughts, Xemnas._ Xemnas thought to himself. _Happy thoughts. Like Kingdom Hearts…everyone here respecting you…the guy with the camera not videotaping us…wait, what?_

Xemnas looked to the beach house a few yards away. Riku stood, trying to conceal himself, with a camera focused on Xemnas and Marluxia. The sun glistered off the camera, which was what caught Xemnas' eye in the first place, but Riku didn't seem to notice too well. Xemnas stood. "Excuse me Marluxia." He stated.

Marluxia nodded and waved enthusiastically as Xemnas left. Xemnas stalked over to where Riku was. When the boy noticed Xemnas' approach, he picked up his camera and dashed to the other side of the building. Xemnas went around front. He came up behind Riku, who was looking to the back of the house to see where Xemnas was.

"Catch anything interesting on film?" Xemnas whispered into Riku's ear.

"Yeah." Riku stated. "That guy with the pink hair freaks me out."

"Ah. He does the same to me, too." Xemnas nodded. "What about the other one who was with him? The one with the silver hair?"

"Shush! I'm hiding from him now. He caught me taping."

Xemnas tapped him on the shoulder.

"Not now, Phil." Riku swatted his hand away.

"Do I look like a fat, middle aged, balding man to you?" Xemnas snarled.

"What? I didn't say…" Riku turned. When he noticed who it really was behind him, he chuckled uncomfortably. "Hey." He greeted slowly. "You're Xemnas, right? I never forget a name."

Xemnas nodded. "Give me the tape."

"No way." Riku shook his head. "Phil wants candid shots of everyone in the Organization. I'll loose my job if I hand it over!"

"You're still recording. Aren't you?" Xemnas wondered, noticing the small red light on the front of the camera.

"No." Riku denied with a shake of his head. He turned the camera to face him. "I'm not…shit…" He hit the 'stop' button at the top of the camera.

Before Riku could do anything else with the camera, Xemnas plucked it from his hands.

"Thanks a ton." Xemnas stated, turning the camera around in his hands. "Now, how do I open this thing and get the tape?" He tried to pry it open with his fingers.

"No!" Riku gasped. "You'll break it!" He ripped the camera away. "_This _is how you open it." He pressed the 'eject' button on the camera and handed the camera back over. "See?"

"Yes, I see." Xemnas peered inside when the tape didn't come out. "There's no tape in here." He informed.

"Oh, yes there is." Riku stated with confidence. "I put a fresh one in there this morning, and another one after the taping session earlier." He took the camera away. "It just doesn't come out on the first try. Sometimes you have to hit the button a few times after it opens for the tape to pop out. Watch." Riku pressed the eject button three more times. "Uh…four normally does it…" He pressed the button more. "Uh…it's just being stubborn today."

Xemnas chuckled and walked away. No film, no problem.

"Damn it!" He heard Riku curse and watched to see the silver haired boy stalk off towards the van at the bottom of the hill.

Xemnas chuckled and walked, hands folded behind his back, into the house.

Riku thrust open the back door to the Dr. Phil Road Crew Van. Sora was inside, looking over some files.

"Please tell me that the feed transmitted to the van, Sora." Riku muttered through clenched teeth.

"Huh?" Sora took off the headphones he had had on. "Oh, I'll check." He flicked on a silver switch and the console's screen flashed. A very suggestive shot of Sora and Riku going at it was displayed on the front before all the applications came up and blocked all 'clothes-less' spots. Riku flushed, but the flush quickly went away.

"Well?" Riku wondered. "Is there any footage on here?"

Sora typed something on the computer and a file opened up. He scanned through the files quickly. "Sorry, Riku. There's nothing in here from today." He shook his head. "Well, except the session earlier…"

"Damn it!" Riku pounded a fist on the keyboard.

"Hey, watch it!" Sora ordered. He covered the keyboard. "You'll ruin it and then we won't be able to do anything until we get back to Twilight Town."

"Sorry, sorry." Riku muttered. He sighed and shut the van's back doors. He sat down on an overturned bucket on the van's floor. "Man, I screwed up."

"What's wrong?" Sora wondered.

"I forgot to put a new tape in before I went and did candid shots. And I got some great shots, too!"

Sora removed his headphones from around his neck and set them on the console. He walked behind Riku and massaged his shoulders as Riku put his head in his hands.

"I mean, how can I be so stupid? I'm no good reporter."

"Oh, yes you are! So you forgot the tape once. And this morning you forgot to stop recording when we were done, and you recorded our conversation about planning on selling this footage and making a reality show. And the other day you forgot to turn the camera off when we were going at it in the van…and…"

"Alright, alright. You're making me feel worse. Thanks a ton." Riku snarled. "Wait…I left it on when we were going at it the other day? When Kairi locked us in here?"

Sora nodded. "Yeah. I separated the feeds and put the 'accident' on another video. I watched it last night when you were sleeping." Sora winked. "Maybe we can watch it together tonight?" Sora left Riku and walked to the console he sat down and scanned the files again. "Or now. I have it saved on the console here."

Riku stood and screamed in frustration with one movement, before he ran out of the van, thrusting the doors open. Sora watched him run off before turning back to the console.

"Oh." Sora flushed. "_Here's_ the candid shots he was looking for…"

Marluxia looked through the closet in the room he shared with Larxene. She was out at the beach, avoiding Doctor Phil, so he was alone. A pink dress caught his eye and he pulled it off the rack.

"Ooh!" He squeaked, looking it over. "I didn't know Larxene had _this_!"

Marluxia took it off the rack and stripped down to the panties he wore underneath. He slid the dress on over his head and looked at himself in the mirror attached to the door. The dress was low cut in the front and even lower in the back. Sparkles made a pattern on one side and a slit was cut for the left leg. Marluxia stuck his leg out.

"I look _cu_te!" He complimented himself, turning in a circle. "Now I just need the right shoes!" He crouched down and looked through Larxene's shoe rack. "Ooh" He pulled out a pair of silver heels and slid them on. He turned around in the mirror again. "I'm hot!" He exclaimed.

A knock came on the door. Marluxia turned around to find Kairi standing in the doorway.

"Um…" She flushed. "Am I interrupting something?"

"No, just playing dress up!" Marluxia told her. He sat on the bed and crossed one leg on top of the other. "Come on in!" He pat the bed. "Have a seat!"

Kairi walked in and shut the door. "I'd rather stand."

"Oh, okay. What do you need?" Marluxia wondered.

"Well, on the Doctor Phil House, we have a Confessions Cam session." Kairi informed him. "It's where you go into a private room and make a little…video diary, if you will."

"I _love_ diaries!" Marluxia told her. "Sign me up!"

"Now, this isn't just _any_ kind of video diary." She shook her head. "You're supposed to talk about the stuff that has been going on in sessions with Doctor Phil and things that occur throughout the day that you feel are important to talk about."

"So it's just a place for people to whine and bitch?"

"…Yes, if you want to put it that way…"

"Sign me up!" He raised a hand into the air.

Kairi wrote his name down on the clipboard she held in her hand. "Thank you." She beamed. "No one else has agreed yet. I think the idea's wearing down on that Roxas kid, though."

"Oh, they'll come around." Marluxia stated, sure of it. "I know they will. I've ben here a long time, you see."

"I'm aware." Kairi stated. "Well, I better get going. I've only asked four people so far, including you, so I've gotta go find the rest."

"Well, Larxene is down at the beach, but I'm not sure about the others."

"Okay." Kairi smiled. "Thank you." She started to leave. "Oh, and that dress looks amazing on you."

Marluxia smiled widely, eyes big. "Thank you!" He told her as she left.

"Hey, Axel! I have a question for you…"

Larxene lay stretched out on a beach towel. She wore a two piece black swim-suit and was face up, letting the sun tickle her face. That Doctor Phil nut-job hadn't shown up to bother her yet, which was good. She had a feeling that he had something else planned for her. Suddenly, her sunlight was covered up. She slid her sunglasses down on her nose and looked up to see who it was that was interrupting her tan. It was Saïx.

"May I help you?" She wondered.

"Marluxia got into your closet and he's parading around in a pink dress." Saïx informed.

She sat up. "What?!" She wondered. "And what makes you think it's mine? Maybe it belongs to Kairi or Robin!"

"No, it's yours." He smirked. "Why else would you have reacted like that?"

Larxene growled and stood. "Where is he?" She wondered.

"Dining hall." Saïx responded. "I'd hurry if I were you."

She ran off towards the house. If he ruined her dress, so help him Kingdom Hearts…


	7. Nakedness and Videotapes

Dlbn: hey everyone! Happy thanks giving to all!  
Nbld: Thank you to Light Within Darkness and Nekotsubasa for reviewing! Thanksgiving themed Orgy members for both of you!

Disclaimer: I own the plot and nothing more!

Larxene stepped into the dining hall. Demyx sat on the table, playing his sitar, and Zexion sat in a chair next to him, reading his Lexicon. Marluxia wasn't in sight.

"Where is he?!" Larxene growled.

Demyx abruptly stopped playing his sitar. "Who?" He wondered, as both he and Zexion looked up.

"Marluxia! Where is he?"

"He left a little while ago." Zexion shrugged. "Why? I thought you were spending most of your time trying to get away from him."

"He's wearing my dress."

Zexion and Demyx looked at one another before they both burst out laughing. "That dress is _yours_?" Zexion wondered between laughs. "It's so girly!"

They laughed harder, making Larxene flush and flash her knives.

"Unless you want to lose a few fingers, or your life, stop laughing and tell me where he went!"

They stopped laughing.

"We don't know." Demyx stated with a shake of his head. "Try the Ballroom."

"He tried to get me to dance to Demyx's new song, but I refused." Zexion muttered. "He probably went to play some CDs and dance or something."

Larxene stalked out the door. She walked down the long hallways, glaring at anyone she passed. Riku and Sora were arguing at the end of one hall. She didn't catch much but the words 'going at it' and 'camera', but she didn't really care what their problem was anyway. When she finally reached the ballroom, she pushed the doors open. They flung open wide and hit the walls, making the room seem to shake. Luxord was leaning against a back pillar and he jumped at the sound.

"Damn it, Larxene!" He cursed. "Don't do that to a person! Gambit? No, the girl just burst in here…I can talk, it's fine…"

Larxene growled and looked around for Marluxia. She didn't see him.

"Luxord!" She addressed him. "Where's Marluxia?"

"Hold on, Gambit." Luxord pressed a button on the side of his Bluetooth. "How should I know?"

"You didn't see him?" She wondered. "He's in a pink dress."

"That was him?" Luxord flushed. "I thought that was that Kairi girl! Marluxia went outside." He pointed to the balcony. "He's probably still there. In fact…I can see him."

Larxene growled and ran to the opposite side of the ballroom, past Luxord.

"I'm back." Luxord told the air. "Gambit? Hello? Damn…I lost him…"

Larxene threw open the balcony doors. Marluxia was fixing his hair in his mirror, sitting on a bench on the balcony. He turned when he noticed her.

"Oh…h-hi, Larxene." He greeted and stood. "Don't I look pretty?"

She aimed a knife at him. "Take it off." She growled threateningly. "Now."

"I'm not…there's nothing under this but underwear." Marluxia told her. "I can't. I'd be na…"

"_Now_!" She growled.

Marluxia made an 'eep' noise and slid the dress off over his head. He stood there in black women's underwear.

"Now get." Larxene pointed inside.

Marluxia ran into the ballroom, past Luxord.

"Woa, Marluxia!" Luxord stated. "Peep show at two o'clock!"

Marluxia ran past him, bursting into tears. Larxene ambled in, dress folded over her arm.

"You know…" Luxord looked at her. "He's wearing heels, too."

"Marluxia!" Larxene cried out, running out of the ballroom. "Give me back my shoes!"

* * *

Riku set up a security camera in the corner of one of the main halls. Sora held the ladder he was standing on so he wouldn't fall. "This look straight to you?" Riku wondered.

Sora looked up. "I don't see straight." He informed.

"No sexuality jokes; I'm serious, here."

"Alright, alright." Sora rolled his eyes. "It looks straight enough to me."

Riku nodded. "Good." He tightened a screw in the back and climbed down the ladder.

Sora moved out of the way and waited for Riku to come down. Riku closed the ladder and leaned it against the wall.

"Now, all I need to do is turn it on…" Riku pulled a small remote control device out of his pocket and hit the power button on the top.

"Is it on?" Sora wondered.

"You see a red light?"

Sora squinted. "No."

"Huh?" Riku wondered. "I hit the button…Maybe I'm too close?" He backed up and tried again. "See it?"

"No!" Sora responded.

Riku backed up and pressed the button. "Now?"

"No!"

Riku repeated the process. "Now?"

"No! Did you put batteries in it?" Sora wondered.

"Of course I did!" Riku popped the back of the remote open. "Uh…"

Sora put his head in his hands. "You…forgot batteries…didn't you…?" He looked sideways at an embarrassed Riku.

"Maybe."

Sora groaned. "You're always forgetting to either turn the camera off or batteries. You gotta check these things!"

"I know, I…"

Suddenly, the guy who thought he was a girl ran by in only black women's underwear and silver heels, crying. Sora and Riku looked after him as he disappeared down the hall and around the corner.

"O…kay…" Riku trailed.

"Marluxia!" The bitchy girl's voice yelled. She came around the corner. "Hey, you two. Morons. Marluxia come by here?"

Sora looked down at the dress in her arms. "What, he didn't like it?" He wondered.

She growled and flash a knife. "Where…is…Marluxia?" She growled in a low voice.

They both pointed the direction he had gone. She snarled and ran past them, dress in hand.

"These people are nuts." Riku stated after a moment or two.

"You said it." Sora muttered. "Too bad the camera wasn't on."

Riku groaned.

* * *

Dr. Phil paced in the living room before the empty couches. The others had yet to return. He had sent Robin to gather them while Kairi was asking them to do video confessions and Sora and Riku were setting up cameras around the mansion. He hoped his plans would work. He wanted some candid shots like he normally used, as well as to hear some of the thoughts of the members of the Organization. It should help him understand and diagnose them better.

The girly guy was the first to arrive. Marluxia, was that his name? He sat on the couch on the left and looked himself over in the mirror. It seemed like something was wrong.

"Excuse me, son?" Dr. Phil wondered. "Are you alright?"

Marluxia didn't look away from his mirror. "I'm fine." He sighed. "Larxene found out that I was wearing her dress and heels and she took them away from me."

"Um…her dress and heels?" Dr. Phil wondered.

Marluxia nodded. "I looked so pretty, too!" He confirmed. "You would've _loved_ to see me."

"Um…Marluxia, if you don't mind my asking…why do you feel the need to dress up in dresses and heels?" Dr. Phil questioned.

"I…oh, I don't know." Marluxia shrugged. "I just _do_!"

Dr. Phil walked over and sat on the couch next to him. "Marluxia,"

"Please call me Marly."

"Uh…okay…_Marly_…how do you _feel_ when you wear dresses?"

Marluxia smiled. "I feel…right, Dr. Phil. It's just…there's something about being in a dress that just gives me such a…_rush!_" Marluxia stood and spun in a circle. "I love the feeling!"

"Marluxia…"

"Marly." Marluxia interrupted him.

"Do you realize that it is not normal for a young gentleman such as yourself to be wearing a dress?" Dr. Phil wondered.

"So?" Marluxia snapped, turning away from Dr. Phil.

"Well, dresses are typically reserved for young _ladies_, and, if I'm not mistaken, you're a young _man_."

"Your point?" Marluxia looked over his shoulder.

"So doesn't logic tell you that wearing dresses is not something you should do?"

Marluxia looked away from Dr. Phil and thought for a moment. "But they make me feel good."

"Other things can make you feel good." Dr. Phil informed. "What do you like to do?"

"Wear dresses and heels."

"Other than that."

"Fix my hair in my mirror."

"…Other than that…"

"Paint my nails."

"_Other_ than that."

Marluxia tried to remember what else he liked to do. "I…there's nothing else I like to do."

"Are you sure?" Dr. Phil stood. "Isn't there something you like to do when you're not fixing your hair or dressing in women's clothing?"

"Well…not really…I hang with the others and follow Larxene around, but that's about it."

"What do you do when you hang with the others?"

"Well, they run away from me and I chase after them, mostly." Marluxia shrugged.

Dr. Phil sighed. "Do you have a job?"

"Of course I do! Everyone here has one."

"Where do you work?"

"I work in a flower shop."

"Oh God." Dr. Phil groaned. There was no school in the world that could have prepared him for this. "Well…what do you _do_ in the Flower Shop?"

"Whatever Aerith needs me to do." Marluxia shrugged. "Like sometimes she needs me to water plants, or sometimes she needs me behind the counter. And other times, I get to work out on the floor and recommend what type of flower people should get."

"All…right…" Dr. Phil paused. This wasn't going anywhere. "Maybe you could try…finding another job?"

"But I love my job!" Marluxia gasped. "I _can't _quit! What will Aerith do without me?!"

"What the hell is going on in here?" Xemnas' voice wondered. "I could hear you two on the other end of the beach house!"

Xemnas walked in with Xaldin, Xigbar, and Vexen in tow. The others weren't with them.

"We're trying to come to the root of Marluxia's problem." Dr. Phil stated.

"You mean the acting and dressing like a girl thing?" Xigbar wondered. "Aye, matey, no one could help him with that! It'd just be easier if he got a sex change operation."

Xaldin ran past and into the kitchen.

"And it would be easier if we put _him _in a plastic bubble…" Xemnas muttered, putting his head in his hand.

"They make those?" Xaldin called from the kitchen, walking in. "I thought they were only in that movie." He ran back into the kitchen.

"No, they really make those." Vexen spoke, his words slurred slightly.

"And if they don't, we're inventing them." Xemnas muttered.

"He wants me to quit my job!" Marluxia sniffled. "This isn't a time for jokes!"

"Oh, no. Don't make him quit!" Xemnas ordered the Doctor. "If you do, he'll be around the house, _alone_, all day! That's the _last_ thing this Organization needs!"

"No, the last thing we need is to keep _you_ as a leader." Larxene sneered, pushing around Xemnas. "If someone else were in charge, this quack would be out on his ass! Him and his entire road crew!"

"Maybe we should hold a vote." Vexen suggested.

"We're not _voting _on a new leader." Xemnas argued. "This isn't the time or the place for this."

"He's right." Dr. Phil agreed.

"Thank you, Doctor." Xemnas smiled.

"If you're going to fight over this, my camera crew should be here to capture every moment of it."

Xemnas' smile faded and he sighed. "I should've figured as much."

"You don't really want to help us at all, do you?" Larxene questioned the Doctor. "All you really care about are your ratings. That's why you're having those two morons rig up cameras all around the place and setting up that stupid confessional." She sneered. "Just admit it!"

"I wish I had a camera." Dr. Phil muttered. "There's nothing to admit, little miss. I'm here to _help_."

"I got it!" Riku ran into the room, proudly displaying a camera. "I got that whole rant on tape!"

Dr. Phil groaned. "Not _now_, Riku."

"Hey, you." Larxene stated.

Riku turned and looked at her. "Yes?" He wondered.

"Give me the camera. This show is canceled!"

Riku backed up. "No!" He ran away.

Larxene flashed her knives and chased after him. "Get your ass back here so I can beat you with it!"

Xemnas sighed and looked at Dr. Phil. "Please don't sue."


	8. This Is Marluxia's Confession

Dlbn: Hey there all! Dlbn here with another chapter of mental instability!

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot  
Nbld: Thank you to Light Within Darkness and Nekotsubasa for reviewing!

-Marluxia's Confession-

Marluxia sat down in a chair in front of the 'Confession Room' camera. "Hm…I hope this is on." He giggled like a girl. "Or the Doctor's not gonna get his shots." He giggled again. "Well, today was something else." Marluxia told the camera, scratching the side of his neck. "I guess the Doctor had a good point when he said that I shouldn't be wearing dresses. I mean, I _am_ a guy, after all. But dresses make me feel pretty! And when I go to clubs in a dress, everyone _loves_ them! I always get so many compliments from the guys. And the girls are something else, too. They always have something nice to say to me…except for this one girl who called me a word that I can't repeat on camera. It means cigarette, though. Why'd she call me a cigarette?" He shrugged. "I will never know. Anyway, I do _not_ like how the Doctor told me that I should quit my job and get a new one. I love my job! There are so many interesting people that come into the shop. Never a dull moment…" He paused for a moment. "That's really all I can say…I don't know what else to talk about…bye!" He waved enthusiastically. "Hey, Riku! I'm done!" Marluxia stood and walked to the door. "How do I turn the camera off?"

"Let me do it." Riku's voice ordered. He walked in front of the camera and picked it up, aiming it at his face. "Damn…where's the 'off' switch…?"

Beeping noises came from the camera as Riku pressed buttons. "Aha!" he exclaimed, finding the power button. "Here we are…" He looked directly into the camera lens. "Is it off? Damn…the light's still on…I'll press it again." He hit the button again. "Damn it!" Riku shook the camera and pressed the 'off' button repeatedly. "What the hell?!"

"Let me try!" Marluxia ordered.

The camera was ripped out of Riku's hands by Marluxia. He began to press all of the buttons. "None of these work." He complained. Finally, he just hit the camera with his fist.

"You're gonna break it!" Riku accused, ripping the camera back.

"No I'm not!" Marluxia grasped the camera and tugged.

Riku kept his grip. "No!" He pulled on the camera.

They both pulled on the camera for a few moments before it went flying into the hallway.

"Now you've done it!" Riku sneered.

"Me?" Marluxia wondered. "You're the one who wouldn't let me see it!" He wiped at his left eye.

Sora walked into the hall, reading over something on a clipboard. Riku and Marluxia continued to argue over whose fault it was, not bothering to go and retrieve the camera. Sora's left toe hit the camera. "Huh?" He wondered, looking down. "Camera?" He turned it over to see the red light on. "It's still on?" Sora flipped the switch at the back of the camera before he noticed Riku and Marluxia. "Uh…guys?"

They both turned to him. "What?!" They wondered as one.

Sora held up the camera.

"Oh…" They both flushed.

"Sorry." Marluxia told Riku. "I'm gonna go and repaint my nails now." He looked over his nails. "Ugh, I need a manicure." He walked off, examining his nails.

"Uh…permission to ask WTF?" Sora wondered.

"No." Riku shook his head and walked over to Sora. He took the camera from his boyfriend. "Thanks." He muttered.

The members of Organization XIII sat on the couches in the living room. Riku stood with the camera in front of them, Dr. Phil in the middle. Kairi was talking with Robin and Sora was writing on his clipboard. Xemnas shifted in his seat and watched Xaldin run in and out of the room. As expected, Roxas was sitting on Axel's lap. Not quite as expected, Zexion was sitting on Demyx's lap. Xemnas wondered what was going on between the sitarist and the Emo, but he knew there was no way to get it out of them. Marluxia was looking over his nails on one couch and Larxene flashed her knives at him every time he tried to touch her.

"Are you ready with that camera, Riku?" Dr. Phil sounded impatient.

"Almost." Riku said. "Damn." He pressed the 'open' button to find that the video compartment was empty.

"Let me guess." Xemnas leaned his head on his hand. "No film?"

"No, there's film…" Riku lied. "I just…left it in the van." He laughed nervously when Dr. Phil glared at him. "I'll…go get the video…"

"Riku, you've got to learn to check these things before you come in to set up." Dr. Phil began a lecture. "You can't take back stupid, you know that."

"Shut up, Phil." Riku muttered, exiting the room and then the house.

Dr. Phil put his head on his hand and sighed. "I need a vacation." He muttered.

"So leave." Larxene said.

The Doctor gave her a small smile, but he wasn't too pleased. "We still have some work to do here, little lady."

She sneered. Riku came back into the room with a tape in hand. "Got it." He announced, walking to the camera. He popped the tape in and hit record. "And in three…two…one! Go, Doctor Phil!"

"Welcome to another addition of the Dr. Phil House. As you know, I am Dr. Phil McGraw and we are still working with our newest Dr. Phil House family: Organization XIII. Last time we were here, we had a major breakthrough with Vexen, who realized that the answers to all his problems are not in the bottom of a bottle." Dr. Phil told the camera. "As the others here seem reluctant to work on their problems, my crew has set up cameras around the castle to video tape their behavior. In addition, I have set up a video camera confessional in one of the other rooms, where Organization members can go to talk about their feelings about what has occurred during the day and in sessions. We have one confessional already done, the first one of the Organization. Let's watch."

"Cut!" Riku ordered, hitting the record button.

"Why are we cutting?" Dr. Phil wondered. "We have to show the footage."

"We can edit the video feed from the confessional in with this video feed later in editing." Kairi said, adjusting her headset. "You should know that. If you want these guys to see it, we need a TV."

"We have a TV." Xemnas said. "In the basement."

"Let's go then, shall we?" Dr. Phil wondered.

They all stood and walked away, grumbling. Riku picked up the camera and followed with the rest of the crew. Dr. Phil brought up the rear with Robin to make sure no one tried to escape on the way down.

In the basement, Riku popped a tape into the VCR attached to the TV. The Organization members shifted in their seats, afraid to know what the footage was about and who it was talking. Xaldin kept running up and down stairs to wash his hands, so Dr. Phil gave him a bottle of hand sanitizer to hold him over until the footage was over. He had only had it for five minutes, but already half of the bottle was empty.

"Now…where's your remote?" Riku turned to Xemnas.

"We don't have one for the VCR." Xemnas said. "Just hit the buttons on the machine." He waved his hand.

Riku groaned and turned the VCR on before hitting the play button. Instantly, the screen went dark.

-Video-

"You've gotta take the lens cap off, Riku." Sora's voice informed.

"It is off." Riku's voice insisted.

"No it isn't! I can see it!"

The screen went bright as Riku's hand pulled away. "Oops." Riku muttered.

Sora groaned. "I can't trust you to do anything."

"Oh stop it." Riku ordered, walking in front of the camera. "Ready?"

"Yep!"

-End video feed-

The Organization burst into laughter, watching as Riku and Sora went at it. Riku flushed and Sora stared with his mouth open.

"Riku!" Sora objected after a moment. "Turn that off! What the hell's your problem?!"

"I didn't mean to put this on! I thought it was the tape!"

"It's _the_ tape alright!"

Kairi burst into laughter, wiping tears from her eyes. "You two are priceless!"

Roxas giggled. "Gives me some ideas…" He told Axel.

Axel laughed and kissed him. "Me too." He agreed.

"No ideas here." Zexion told Demyx after he got a look.

"Aw, so sweet!" Marluxia giggled.

"Riku! Get the tape out, now!" Dr. Phil broke through their arguing.

Riku stopped arguing with Sora and hit the eject button.

"Aw. No more fun." Demyx muttered, folding his arms and crossing his legs.

Zexion rolled his eyes and nudged Demyx. "Stop it." He ordered.

"I guess we can make our own fun later…" Demyx raised and lowered his eyebrows.

Zexion flushed.

"Is the film in the van?" Dr. Phil wondered.

"I don't think we ever took it out of the camera, now that I think of it." Sora said.

Dr. Phil groaned.

"I'll go get it this time." Kairi said, leaving up the stairs.

"So…can we go now?" Saïx wondered. "I don't think we need to be here."

"No, don't leave." Dr. Phil ordered. "I am so sorry about that video."

"Most of us…don't mind." Axel informed, moving away from Roxas' neck.

"I think they can tell." Lexaeus said.

Vexen nodded. "Just look at some of you." His words were slurred, but not as much as normal. He must've taken what Dr. Phil had said to him to heart and tried to slow down his drinking.

Kairi came back down the stairs, tape in hand. "Here you go, Dr." She told Dr. Phil, handing him the tape.

Dr. Phil gave the tape to Riku, who pushed it into the VCR and pressed play. Marluxia came on the screen, fighting with the camera. The camera feed rolled. Riku panned the camera over to Organization, catching Roxas and Axel going at it and Zexion and Demyx flirting, to get their reactions. When the tape finished, Riku focused the camera on Dr. Phil. "Go." He mouthed.

"So what did you think?" He wondered. "Let's go in order by number. Xemnas, you start."

"Uh…" Xemnas didn't know what to say. "Can you come back to me?"

"Okay then…" Dr. Phil sighed. "Number two?"

"Argh." Xigbar commented. "I'm not surprised that yer tech boy couldn't turn off yer camera."

The others giggled.

"Number three?" Dr. Phil wondered, trying to save Riku some dignity.

"Germs!" Xaldin said.

"Four?"

"I think Marluxia looks good in pink." Vexen said.

"Aw, thank you!" Marluxia giggled.

"Five?"

"Uh…I agree…?" Lexaeus slurred.

"O…kay, then…" Dr. Phil stated. "Do you know where you are?"

"Uh…who are we talking about?"

"I thought so." Dr. Phil sighed. "You guys talk on your own. I'm getting too old to baby-sit."

"Marluxia needs to stop being such a girl." Zexion mumbled against Demyx's lips.

"I have no opinion." Saïx shook his head. He appeared to be worried.

"Are you alright?" Dr. Phil wondered.

"Just fine. Why do you ask?"

"Wondering." Dr. Phil shrugged.

"She didn't call you a cigarette, Marluxia, she called you…" Axel tried to speak, but Roxas put his hand over his mouth.

"Stop that." Roxas hissed. "Don't tell him."

"Sorry." Axel muttered against Roxas' hand before removing it and kissing the boy's cheek.

"Continue, continue." Dr. Phil urged them on.

"People compliment you because they think you're a booty call." Demyx told Marluxia.

"I'd bet anything that you don't stop wearing dresses, Marluxia." Luxord said. "Ten to one says I'm right."

"You're all a bunch of morons." Larxene sneered, cleaning a knife on her robe.

"Our Organization really has problems…" Roxas said. "Can we put on another video?"

"Maybe the one from earlier." Axel raised and lowered his eyebrows, making Riku and Sora flush at the hint.

"This is our personal tape." Riku told Axel. "We're not putting it back on."

"Oh, like I'd want to see you two going at it anyway." Axel rolled his green eyes.

"So it seems like one person is on board with the program." Dr. Phil said, making Riku point the camera at him. "But the others are still reluctant. I suggest that you should all try the video sessions at least once."

"And I suggest you shove it." Larxene said.

Dr. Phil groaned. "Anger is nothing more then an outward expression of hurt, fear, and frustration. So what has hurt you, young lady? What has made you afraid or frustrated?"

"I'm not hurt or upset at anything, but _you_ and these _idiots_ frustrate the crap out of me!" Larxene responded. "I think it's about time you left."

"Don't you think that maybe your outer anger reflects some deep, inner turmoil?"

"Yeah, like Larxene's bitchy because she's the only girl here." Saïx rolled his eyes.

"Hey!" Marluxia objected.

"Only _biological_ girl." Saïx corrected himself. "You can dress in drag all you want and get a sex change if you must, Marluxia, but you're still a guy."

Xemnas snickered into his hand.

"Oh, stop being so mean!" Marluxia folded his arms and pouted. "And it's not funny Man Sex."

The others laughed at Xemnas' expense. Xemnas flipped his hood up and covered his eyes. "Leave me alone." He ordered.

Dr. Phil sighed and shook his head. "Hm-hm-hm." He looked at Xemnas. "Xemnas?" He wondered.

"Hm?" Xemnas peered out from under his hood at the Doctor.

"Might I say something?"

"I'd prefer if you didn't, but I know you will anyway." Xemnas answered. "Fine, go ahead."

"Sometimes you just got to give yourself what you wish someone else would." Dr. Phil stated. "You know what I mean?"

Xemnas stared and blinked.

"If you don't respect yourself, how do you expect them to?" Dr. Phil said. "You need to take charge and show them how to respect you."

"Respect him?" Larxene wondered. "That'll never happen, no matter what he does."

Xemnas growled and pushed his hood off as the others laughed. "Hey! Knock it off!"

They all went silent.

"I demand a certain level of respect from you all, and I never get it!" Xemnas insisted.

Larxene and Saïx shared an uneasy look. Why was Xemnas listening to Dr. Phil?

"That good enough for you, Doctor?" Xemnas growled. "Now just leave us the hell alone, would you?"

"Are you kicking him out?" Larxene was hopeful.

"Yeah." Xemnas nodded and smiled. "Yes, I am kicking him out. Him and his entire crew. Out!"

"Xemnas, I swear…" Saïx spoke slowly. "If you kick them the hell out of here, I will love and respect you forever."

Xemnas winked at Saïx, making him flush. "Out." He spoke as though Dr. Phil and his assistants were children. "Now."

"Not until we are finished here." Dr. Phil shook his head. "I haven't spoken to anyone and no one will work with me."

"Out."

"He just wants Saïx to love him." Roxas giggled.

Xemnas and Saïx both flushed dark red. "Zip it, kid." Xemnas growled.

Axel pulled Roxas close by the waist and glared at his leader. "Watch it." He ordered.

"Sorry."

"I should've known that wouldn't last." Larxene sighed.

Dr. Phil sighed and shook his head. "We were making progress." He muttered. "Alright, I think this is enough for now. We'll reassemble in the living room at 5 pm tonight."

The Organization members couldn't get out of there fast enough. Saïx rushed to Xemnas' side and grasped his hand. "Can I talk to you alone?" He wondered as Xemnas looked at him.

"Uh…sure…" Xemnas agreed with a small smile. "Let's go in the dining room."

Saïx smiled and followed Xemnas out.


	9. Xemsai

Dlbn: Hey there everyone! Once again, it is time for more dysfunction known as Organization XIII.

Thank you to Nekotsubasa and Light Within Darkness for reviewing.  
I'll try to get the next chapter out much sooner!

Xemnas and Saïx sat next to one another in the dining hall. Neither said a word, but they both flushed and avoided eye contact. Saïx shifted.

"So…you wanted to talk to me?" Xemnas wondered.

"Yeah." Saïx answered. "We uh…haven't really talked in a while."

"Yeah…" Xemnas felt his theoretic heart drop. "So…what's up…?"

"Oh not much…" Saïx said. "Just the usual. You know, staring at the moon, writing…thinking about a certain someone…the usual."

"Oh, well…that's…good…" Xemnas paused. "Who?"

"Hm?"

"The certain someone?"

"Oh, no one important." Saïx waved him off. "So what about you? What've you been up to?"

"Just uh…wanting these morons out of the house so we can enjoy our vacation. Not much more then that. I don't do much."

"Yeah? You almost got rid of them earlier."

"I did." Xemnas answered. "But I fell through." He sighed. "I'm not a good leader. I can't even get anyone _here_ to listen to me, let alone the morons with the cameras."

"Oh, you are _so_ a good leader." Saïx put one hand on Xemnas knee. "We would've overthrown you forever ago if you weren't."

"Well…thanks…it…it means a lot to hear someone say that."

Saïx leaned foreword and kissed Xemnas' cheek. Xemnas blinked and flushed. Saïx pulled back, flushing deeper. Xemnas leaned foreword and softly brushed his lips across Saïx's. Saïx slowly closed his eyes and pulled Xemnas closer by the collar. Xemnas wrapped his arms around Saïx's neck, one hand on his head. Saïx's tongue brushed lazily across Xemnas' lower lip and Xemnas opened up. Saïx let his tongue wander, exploring the new, uncharted territory. Saïx moaned as their tongues connected, making Xemnas flush harder. Xemnas pulled him closer by the waist, his hand swooping dangerously to Saïx's crotch. When Saïx didn't push him away after the near contact, Xemnas touched him lightly. Saïx's eyes flew open and he pulled back quickly.

"I'm…I'm sorry." Xemnas told him. "Did I…was I too foreword?"

"Just…don't do that again, okay?" Saïx spoke quickly, seeming angry. "Just don't."

"I'm sorry." Xemnas went to kiss him again, but Saïx turned his cheek.

"Sorry." Saïx apologized. "But I can't."

"The magic is gone, I know." Xemnas told him. "But I really am sorry. I didn't mean it. But the first time, when I came close but pulled off, you didn't respond so I thought…"

"I didn't respond because you didn't actually touch me. If you had, I would've pulled back."

Xemnas didn't know how to respond. "I guess I wasn't thinking."

"Well, I don't expect a person to think a hundred percent logically when they're making out." Saïx muttered. "I'm sorry if I was a little harsh. But I'm very conscious of people touching me there."

"No, I should apologize." Xemnas kissed Saïx's cheek. "We've never kissed before and…even _thinking_ of doing that isn't right. I'm at fault."

Saïx smiled softly and kissed Xemnas' lips once. "I love you." He admitted. "I should've said that a long time ago."

"I love you, too." Xemnas said. "I should've said it before, too."

Saïx laughed and smiled. "You want to try making out again?"

"Of course."

Saïx pulled Xemnas to him by the collar and fused their lips.

Dlbn: Nbld and I would like to express our deepest gratitude to Light Within Darkness for the Riku plushie and Key necklace she got me for my birthday, and the same to her sister for the gift card she got me to Borders.  
Nbld: And now…Dlbn is sleeping with Riku.  
Dlbn: 8D


	10. Snap Out Of It, Phil!

Dlbn: Holy shit has it been a while! My God, I should have updated this sooner! Anyway, here everyone goes. The next chapter of A Very Disorganized Organization Vacation!

Disclaimer: I own the plot and the beach house. That's it…

Dr. Phil paced around the basement. His crew stood around the basement, patiently waiting for him to speak. Sora was looking over some papers on a clipboard and Kairi was quietly chatting with Mrs. McGraw. Riku yawned and arched his back.

"Nothing I do seems to get through to these people." Dr. Phil said. "They just might be my hardest case yet. I don't think I can fix these people."

"Don't you dare say that, Phil!" Kairi scowled. "Not after all we've worked for!"

"You stopped Vexen from drinking too much and you seem to be getting through to Marluxia." Sora said, reading a progress chart from the clipboard. "That Confession had me in tears." He chuckled. "Well, at least the tape that I didn't mean to show them had me in tears." He winked at Riku.

"Shut up, Sora." Riku muttered.

"You two are pathetic." Kairi accused them.

"Are you sure there's nothing you can do, honey?" Mrs. McGraw wondered. "There has to be some technique you could use."

"I'm at my wits' end, Robin." Dr. Phil shook his head. "I think these people might just be in-helpable."

Kairi walked over and smacked him across the face. "Snap out of it, Phil! You've tackled tougher cases than these losers!"

Dr Phil rubbed his cheek. "You know what, Kairi? You're right! I _have_ helped out tougher cases than this!" He agreed. "I'm the one who got Sora and Riku to admit their love for one another."

"Yeah, and I'm sure we all thank you for that." Kairi rolled her eyes. "So pull yourself out of this slump and get to work up there! You're not a world famous psychiatrist for nothing!"

Dr. Phil nodded. "You're right!" He agreed again. "Oh, I just got another idea! This is going to be amazing!" He ran up the stairs.

Mrs. McGraw sighed. "I'd better make sure he doesn't go and hurt himself." She said, following.

Riku and Sora looked at Kairi.

"I never knew you could be such a great motivational speaker." Sora said. "Maybe you can convince Riku into doing a few things for me…"

"You mean _to_ you." Riku snapped. "Forget it!" He walked off towards the stairs.

"Wait, Riku!" Sora called after him. "I don't know why you're so afraid of intimacy!" He walked after him.

"I'm not doing it!" Riku bolted up the stairs.

"Wait! Come back here and talk about your feelings!" Sora chased after him.

Kairi slapped her forehead and sighed. Why did she put up with this?

Upstairs, Xaldin was washing his hands in the kitchen sink with antibacterial soap. Axel and Roxas entered the kitchen.

"Xaldin?" Roxas wondered.

"Heyya, big guy." Axel greeted slowly. "How you doing, huh?"

They walked over.

"Germs." Xaldin muttered. "Germs, germs, hideous germs!" He flung water at the two of them before pouring enough soap for four people into his hand and washing up under the hot water again. Steam came out from the water in waves. Axel brushed a hand in front of his face to get rid of it.

"Xaldin, your hands are raw!" Roxas commented. "Doesn't that _hurt_ you?"

Xaldin shook his head, black dreadlocks dancing. "It's never enough." Xaldin said. "The germs keep coming back…they're crawling up my arms!"

Axel and Roxas shared a look before slowly backing up out of the kitchen together.

"That was weird." Roxas said.

"Are we sure Lexaeus is the one on the drugs and not him?" Axel wondered. "Sheesh! Talk about hallucinating!"

"He needs help." Roxas muttered. "I don't think even Dr. Phil can help him."

"I don't think Dr. Phil can help anyone in here." Axel said, creating a flame and letting it dance in the palm of his hand.

"I give him my condolences on working with you." Roxas said. "You'll probably try to set him on fire."

"I tried to do that last night, but the wife woke up before I could."

Roxas laughed and shook his head. "Only you, Axel."

"Of course." Axel pulled him closer by the waist and Roxas hugged him. He nuzzled into Roxas' hair. "I love you." Axel muttered against the boy's light blonde hair.

"I love you, too." Roxas looked up and stole a kiss.

Axel smiled into it and pulled Roxas even closer. They split and Axel shot Roxas a seductive smile. "The bedroom?" He whispered.

Shivers danced up Roxas' spine and died. "You're so straight foreword." He said, hugging Axel tight. "Axel, don't ever leave me, okay?"

"Huh?" Axel wondered. "Did someone tell you I was planning to?"

"Are you?" Fear danced in Roxas' bright blue eyes and, if he had real emotions, Axel would have found himself crying.

"Of course not." Axel shook his head. "Why would you even ask such a crazy question?"

The 'emotions' in Roxas' eyes died down quickly. "I don't know." He responded. "I love you." He waved his hand behind him and a dark portal opened. "Bedroom?"

Axel grasped Roxas' hand and pulled him into the portal.

Marluxia fixed his hair in his mirror as Larxene sat on her bed and sharpened her knives. "Are you mad at me Larxe?" Marluxia wondered.

Larxene looked at him, snarled, and went back to paying attention to her knives.

"I just wanted to try it on. I wasn't going to rip it or ruin it or anything." He looked at her.

She didn't say anything.

"Do you believe me?"

"Why?" Larxene wondered.

"Why what?"

"Why did you put on _my_ dress and _my_ heels and parade your ass around here like you belonged in them?" She sneered. "No one had to see that and, because of you, they probably all think I'm secretly this sweet bring-her-home-to-meet-your-parents girl. And I'm not."

"I don't think anyone thinks that." Marluxia shook his head. "You're the hardest hard-ass around here. We all know you're not girly."

She didn't quite believe him about that. "Whatever."

"They all agree that I'm the girliest person here. And I'm not a girl."

"Do you wish you were?" She looked at him. "Is that why you dress like one?"

"No." Marluxia shook his head. "You want to know what I think?"

"No, but I know you're going to tell me."

"I think my Other's parents found out he was going to be a girl but they wanted a boy." Marluxia informed. "And then they gave Lumaria like, _hormones _or something to make her be a boy. And then the girl genetics passed onto me. What do you think?"

"I think you're an idiot."

"Aw, I love you to, Larxe!"

"Don't you know when you're being insulted?" She sneered.

"Not really." Marluxia responded with a wave of his hand.

Larxene rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

Marluxia happily went back to brushing his hair in his mirror, humming a small jolly tune.

A knock came on the door. The silver-haired camera boy stood there, smiling sheepishly. "Would one of you like to come and tape a confessional?" He wondered.

"I'd _love_ to!" Marluxia said, turning to him. "Come on, Larxe. You can do one after me. It's fun!"

"Fun?" She snorted. "What's fun about confessing false emotions to a camera, so a whack-job psychologist can analyze it and diagnose mental illnesses that don't actually exist, just to keep up his ratings?"

Marluxia blinked. "It's like playing make-believe!" Marluxia grabbed her wrist and pulled her out the door. "Lead the way!" He ordered.

The camera boy nodded and led them down the hallway.

"This is stupid." Larxene complained to the camera. "I don't get why we have to do this. Let me out!"

"Not until you talk to the camera!" Marluxia objected from outside the room.

"I swear, he's _working _with these idiots." Larxene sneered. "I mean, he does things purposefully to get everyone else mad and act irrational, so the Doc always has something to talk about. And he willingly does these confession things?"

"Talk about something other than me!" Marluxia ordered.

"Fine. How about we talk about that fiasco with my dress and heels?" Larxene sneered. "Someone gave me that thing as a sick joke for one of the holidays Xemnas forced us to celebrate. I didn't pick it out, but now everyone knows about it!" she went on. "Sure, I was upset that he was showing everyone, but I don't really care about it! The heels _are_ mine, though. I bought them for Halloween when Xemnas made us celebrate it three years ago. Ugh, Trick or Treating in Twilight Town was horrid! None of us wanted to be there, and we looked like morons among all the little kids. We're adults, for Kingdom Hearts' sake! And not to mention Xaldin running around like a madman, asking everyone he passed if they had hand sanitizer on them. I've never been so humiliated in my life." She hit the record button on the camera to shut it off. "Done. It's recorded. Now let me out, Marluxia!" She ordered, stalking to the door. She pushed it open to see a surprised Marluxia standing behind it.

"See, Larxe? Don't you feel all _better_ now that you got some of that off of your chest?"

"I don't feel. We're Nobodies. Nobodies don't feel."

"You feel angry."

"I'm not angry, I'm annoyed." She stalked off back towards hers and Marluxia's room.

"Annoyed is an emotion, too!" Marluxia answered, chasing after her.


	11. Saix's Problem Comes To Light

Dlbn: Once again, I am so sorry for not updating in so freaking long! Bad author! Scolding is welcome

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. It all belongs to Tetsuya Nomura and Square Enix, or Dr. Phil. Even my soul isn't nine. (Looks fearfully at The Square Enix Lawyers in her room.) Gulp.

The Organization members, minus their 'brilliant' leader and his second in command, sat on couches together in the living room of the beach house.

"If they don't show up, I vote we get the hell out of here." Axel said.

"I second the notion." Larxene muttered, shining her kunai.

"I sent Riku and Sora up to get them a little while ago." Dr. Phil informed, scratching the side of his head. "You think they'd be here by now."

Riku and Sora ran into the room, panting.

"Well?" Dr. Phil wondered. "Where are they?"

"They…both of um…bed…it looked painful…" Sora muttered.

"Huh?" Robin wondered.

"They were in the silver haired guy's room…" Riku started.

"Man Sex." Marluxia interrupted.

"And they were…well…going at it…"

No one said anything.

"Ew." Roxas said after a minute, interrupting the awkward silence that had settled over the room.

"I knew they were doing each other." Larxene muttered.

"Surprise." Zexion muttered.

"Really?" Demyx wondered. "I thought everyone would have seen that coming."

Xigbar raised an eyebrow at the brunet. "Kingdom Hearts, you're a rather dumb one." He told the younger Nobody.

"Thank God for your ass." Zexion muttered.

"Hey!" Demyx protested, lightly slapping Zexion's cheek.

Xaldin ran into the kitchen, and Dr. Phil rubbed his temples.

"You do know that there's nothing there. Your hands are clean." Dr. Phil informed.

"Not clean enough!" Xaldin declared. "Not clean enough. They must be _spotless_! Spotless, I say!"

"You're wasting your breath." Vexen informed, words slurred. "He's a hypochondriac."

"Vexen…I didn't know you knew such a big word." Lexaeus said, his voice changed in pitch from its normal even tone.

"Shut up, Number Five. I'm your superior; you have no right talking to me like that. And besides, I'm a genius!" Vexen said, pointing to himself and sitting up straight. "Of _course_ I know big words like that. I can spell the longest word in existence!"

"Nuh uh!" Lexaeus argued. "I bet you can't!"

"Sure I can! S.U.P.E.R…"

"Kill me now." Axel tilted his head back on the back of the couch.

"F.R.A.G…"

"God, Vexen, shut up!" Larxene sneered. "No one wants to hear it!"

"I want to get back to my sitar." Demyx informed. "Can we just leave now?"

"I'd go for that." Zexion nodded, bangs bouncing in front of his eye.

"They will arrive shortly, I have no doubt." Dr. Phil answered, which meant 'no'.

"Want me to go up and get them?" Marluxia wondered. "Two guys making out doesn't bother me."

"It doesn't bother any of us, or we wouldn't be able to tolerate each other." Larxene sneered, not looking up from her knives.

"You don't tolerate any of us anyway, Larxene." Axel sighed, not lifting his head off of the back of the couch. "What's the difference?"

She gave him a look, but she didn't answer. The question was probably rhetorical, anyway.

"I give them five more minutes, and I'm out of here."

"D.O.C.I.O.U.S! There! I spelled it!" Vexen announced.

"Are you drunk, young man?" Dr. Phil wondered.

"Who, me?"

"No, the wall." Demyx answered.

"Hey, shut up." Vexen gave him a look. "I was just asking. And I wasn't asking you."

"Are you drunk, Mr. …"

"Vexen." Roxas offered.

"Mr. Vexen."

"Yes?"

"Are you drunk right now?"

"Maybe." Vexen looked at the door. "Can we go?" He wondered.

"He's sober enough to say that."Axel informed, standing. "I guess that means you have no problems to work on right now."

Saïx walked down the stairs, without Xemnas. His hair was messed up slightly, and his cloak was unzipped, showing that he indeed wore no shirt underneath. He looked a bit disheveled, running a hand through his hair before sitting on one of the open chairs. Axel, who was still standing, sat and inched a bit away from Saïx. Riku and Sora were both flushing, obviously thinking Saïx knew he and Xemnas had been caught by them. They stood and went to Dr. Phil's side. Riku began to set up the camera as Sora whispered into his left ear, reading off of a clipboard.

"Where is Xemnas, if you don't mind me asking." Dr. Phil spoke, making Roxas choke on the water he was drinking.

"He's upstairs. I locked him in the bedroom." Saïx folded his arms and sunk into the chair. "I told him no, for Kingdom Heart's sake."

"No to what?" Dr. Phil looked to Riku to see if the camera was on, earning a nod from the boy.

"Nothing. Don't worry about it." Saïx flushed deeply.

Axel looked at him. "Just tell him, man. You know he won't give up unless you do."

"It's personal!" Saïx argued. "And I'm not about to talk about it in front of all of you."

"We're all friends here, silly!" Marluxia argued, looking at Larxene and then at Dr. Phil and his crew. "Most of us, anyway. We won't judge you or anything."

"I'm not talking about it." Saïx slinked into the chair even further, if that was possible.

"Are you sure?" Dr. Phil wondered.

"Yes!" Saïx sneered. "Bother someone else."

"Come on, leave him alone." Zexion ordered. "He obviously doesn't want to talk about it."

"Everyone has to talk." Dr. Phil argued. "How can you be helped if you don't participate in activities?"

"Hey, I talked already, so don't give me that look. Just pick a number."

"One that's not seven."Saïx muttered.

Dr. Phil motioned for Riku to turn on the camera. "How about eight?"

Axel raised an eyebrow. "Yes?" He wondered.

"You're aware of how the word association works, correct?"

"How about you try a different technique. Word association obviously isn't working." Axel scowled.

"That's his way of saying 'leave me alone'." Roxas muttered to Demyx, who was sitting between him and Zexion.

Demyx chuckled.

"Well, let's start with a few simple questions, I suppose." Dr. Phil answered. "A lot of people can only focus on the bad, never the good. Why don't you tell me some of the things that are going well for you?"

"Good for me?" Axel looked to Roxas. "Roxy and I keep ourselves busy, there isn't much for me to say."

Roxas caught the double meaning in Axel's words and flushed.

"How about your job? I know everyone here has one."

"Me? I work at a Fireworks Shop."

"Really? What an interesting job. Can you tell me why you chose to apply there?"

"I like fire." Axel said, a fire of his own burning in his eyes. "I like it a lot." He formed a fireball in his hand. "See?"

"Well…I've never…seen anything like it?" Dr. Phil seemed a bit confused as to how Axel did that, but he didn't say anything to him about it. "Do you enjoy your job?"

"More or less. Some people are real assholes, but what do you expect in retail?"

"So that's another positive. A good job." Dr. Phil avoided Axel's question. "What do you do there?"

"Work behind the counter, stock shelves, get the items people want off shelves…I'm tall enough to reach the top shelves, so I'm doing that a lot. Multitasking a lot between customers and getting stuff."

Dr. Phil nodded. "So you keep yourself busy, then?"

"More or less."

"Now, by 'busy'…" Vexen muttered, making the others chuckle.

"Very funny, Vexen." Axel rolled his eyes. "Anything else you want, Doc?"

"You said you like fire. How much?"

"Well, I like _setting_ things on fire…"

"Sometimes us." Marluxia piped up, rubbing a small burn on his arm.

"I _said_ I was sorry." Axel rolled his eyes.

"You…set your coworkers on fire?"

"Not on purpose." Axel shook his head.

"Well, I didn't _walk_ into the flames!" Marluxia protested.

"It was an accident!"

"Alright, alright." Dr. Phil interrupted. "That's enough of that." He sighed. "Can you think of anything else positive?"

"I'll have something else to add to the list when you go away." Axel said.

Roxas chuckled and shook his head.

"Okay, then. So let's look at a point of interest. Since this is a family program, we won't go into details with how you and your friend keep yourselves busy, since I have a pretty good idea myself. Instead, let's talk about your fire obsession."

Axel made a fireball form in his hand. Sora looked fascinated.

"This?" Axel wondered.

Dr. Phil nodded. "Why do you like fire?"

"It's my attribute, so I'm used to it." Axel said.

"Um, excuse me, but 'attribute'?"

"Each Nobody has a special attribute, which is the type of magic we fight with." Saïx explained.

"Okay, then." Dr. Phil scratched the side of his bald head. "Is there any other reason you like fire?"

"It's…pretty…?" Axel asked. "I honestly have no idea."

"Aren't you the bright one." Xigbar rolled his eye.

Axel gave him a look that clearly said 'I'm going to light _you_ on fire if you don't shut up'. Roxas nudged him. "Come on, Ax, stop." He ordered.

Axel gave him a small smile, but Roxas knew he was still up to no good.

"Have you ever heard of the term 'Pyromania'?" Dr. Phil wondered.

"Yeah. 'An unhealthy and sometimes lethal addiction to fire'." Axel said. "I'm not dumb."

"Have you ever considered being a pyromaniac?"

The entire Organization burst into laughter at that.

"Axel? A Pyro?!" Demyx laughed. "I never would have guessed!"

Axel was even chuckling. "I even had me fooled."

They all laughed harder and Doctor Phil pulled at his collar. Sora started to snicker, which warranted him a scolding look from Robin, and making Riku and Kairi burst into laughter as well.

"Alright, that's enough!" Dr. Phil snapped.

The laughter died down slowly. Larxene smirked. "I have to admit, Doc." She said. "No matter how annoying you are and how much I want to stab you with my kunai, that was actually quite funny."

Dr. Phil's face was red from embarrassment. "Alright, you all had your giggles, but this is serious work here." He started on a lecture. "How can you expect to get any better if you won't try the exercises I'm giving you? Don't you want to be healthy?"

"How can you make _us_ healthy when _you_ probably aren't?" Saïx asked, sliding down in his seat. "I'm telling you, this is a waste of your time."

"No case is completely helpless." Dr. Phil argued. "If you'd all at least _try_ the stuff I'm attempting to do, you'd…"

Xemnas trudged into the room. His pants were unbuttoned and his coat was opened. He looked out of breath. Larxene looked away.

"_That_ is way more of you then I'd care to see, Xemnas." She said, shielding her eyes with her arm. "Zip up at least."

Xemnas looked down at the button of his pants and set it back together. "I'm fine, thank you, Larxene." He sneered, before looking over at Saïx.

"Hey, I told you no, and you wouldn't listen to me." Saïx said. "So I locked you in the room."

"You could've just hit me." Xemnas protested.

"This was funnier."  
Axel chuckled.

Dr. Phil smacked his head. "Well, I can see everyone's a bit stressed out. Saïx, why don't you come talk to me in private?"

"Because I don't want to." The blue-haired Nobody sneered.

Dr. Phil turned to the camera. "When we return, more of my session with Organization XIII."

Riku grinned. "And cut!"


	12. Saix Attack!

Dlbn: It's been too long since I updated this! (Smacks self upside the head) There is no excuse for this, other than me being lazy. So anyway, enough of my scolding of myself, and on with the story!

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot! Dr. Phil and Robin belong to themselves. Kingdom Hearts and all related places, themes, and people belong to Tetsuya Nomura. I am not he. If I were, I wouldn't be writing fanfiction, I'd be filthy stinking rich, and BBS would have been out here already. September 7th, people!

About ten minutes after the taping session had ended, Dr. Phil managed to track down Saïx in the courtyard. Marluxia was skipping about happily, picking flowers and chasing butterflies, and Saïx was facing away from him, sitting on a stone bench.

"Hello there, Saïx." Dr. Phil greeted cheerfully. "How have you been since the last-"

"Take your false sympathy and shove it, doc." Saïx sneered. "I don't want to be bothered."

"Oh?" Dr. Phil arched an eyebrow. "And why is that?"

"Can't a guy just have some privacy?" Saïx sneered again.

Now, one who knew Saïx very well would know when he was getting irritated, and would thus stop whatever they were doing to annoy him. Dr. Phil, unfortunately, was not one of those people.

"Everyone is entitled to privacy, Saïx, yes, but I was hoping we could continue our discussion from the meeting."

Saïx glared at the balding doctor and looked up at the slowly appearing moon. It was a full moon tonight, but hopefully his anger would remain in check. Last thing he needed was to attack the Doctor or one of his lackeys and give them more of a reason to stay, or an excuse to send him to a mental facility.

"I don't wish to discuss that." Saïx informed.

"Oh, Doctor Phil!" Marluxia called sweetly. "Please do not anger Saïx! He's second in command around here! If he's angry we all suffer!"

The Berserker turned to Marluxia and growled, making the pink haired man shrink back a bit before going back to chasing his butterflies.

"Perhaps we could come to a compromise?" Dr. Phil continued, missing the double meaning in Marluxia's words.

"I don't think so." Saïx glared before looking back at the moon. It was more visible now. Saïx could almost _feel_ his 'emotions' getting out of control, if such a thing was possible for a Nobody.

"Okay." Dr. Phil said. "If you don't want to continue our discussion from earlier, perhaps we could discuss something else?"

"I'd really rather be alone right now."

A beat of silence. "You're not alone."

"If you mean Marluxia, he's not bothering me. He's chasing butterflies and talking to the flowers."

Dr. Phil looked over. Sure enough, Marluxia was sitting on the ground by a patch of roses, seemingly deep in a discussion with the plants. The Doctor sighed and shook his head.

"What is the _matter_ with that man?" He wondered.

"Man?" Saïx snorted. "That's generous."

Dr. Phil turned back to the blue haired Nobody. "He says you're second in command here, but your number is seven, if I remember correctly?"

"Numbers mean nothing." Saïx informed. "Simply the order we joined."

"Ah, I see." Dr. Phil nodded. "And who was second in command before you arrived, might I ask?"

"I wish you wouldn't ask me, but I know I have no choice in that department." Saïx sighed. "Xigbar was."

"And was their tension when you became second in command instead?"

Saïx blinked and raised an eyebrow. "Putting it lightly."

Dr. Phil nodded and pulled out a notepad. He wrote something on it. "Sunsets sure are pretty, are they not?"

"What does that have to do with anything? Now, if you'll excuse me, I believe I asked to be left alone." Saïx stood in an attempt to leave.

"Are you going back inside?" Dr. Phil wondered.

"Why is your business if I am?"

"Cause if you are, I would walk with you. I need to go and speak to my wife about something."

"Do it on your own time and leave me alone." Saïx snarled.

"Saïx, cool it." Xigbar ordered, suddenly coming up behind the neophyte.

Saïx glared. "How long have you been listening?"

"Quite some time, actually, mate." Xigbar smirked, his golden eye sparkling.

"What have I told you about spying on the other members?" Saïx wondered, noting that Dr. Phil was wildly scratching his pen across the notepad in his hand.

"Yo ho." Xigbar waved his hand. "I wasn't spying. I happened to be sitting under that there tree." He pointed to a tree covered in white sakura blossoms.

"You couldn't have heard me from that far away." Saïx prodded.

"Aye, yet you were loud enough. And Marluxia's yelling is very hard to miss."

Saïx growled again and rolled his golden eyes. "That may be the case…" He seemed to lose his trail of thought as he looked at Dr. Phil. "What in the world are you writing _now_?"

"Oh, just a few observations on your friend there." Dr. Phil nodded towards Marluxia, but Saïx could clearly see his and Xigbar's names on the paper when it was held correctly.

"If you say so." Saïx inched around the man, his argument with Xigbar long forgotten, and walked towards the beach house.

Dr. Phil chased after him. "Wait for me!" He ordered.

Saïx stopped and looked at the annoyance over his shoulder. "I do not have to listen to orders from you." He said, starting to walk again.

Dr. Phil was persistent. "I just want to discuss your issue with intimacy!"

Saïx turned in a flash. "Not so loud, you moron!" He ordered with a sneer.

He heard Xigbar; "uh oh." Perhaps his eyes were changing yellow, indicating his soon to arrive change.

"And I do _not_ have a problem with intimacy! I just wish to have some _privacy_!"

"Hey, Doctor Mate! Stop!" Xigbar ordered from behind him.

Marluxia joined Xigbar's side and nodded.

Dr. Phil stopped in his tracks and turned around. "That's Doctor _Phil_!" He said, matter-of-factly.

"I don't care what it is!" Xigbar rolled his eye. "Stop bothering Saïx. It won't end well for any of us."

"I am merely trying to help."

"I don't _want_ your help!" Saïx growled, his voice deepening slightly from its normal tone.

"Now you've done it." Marluxia said, rolling his eyes.

Saïx didn't know how to stop himself from what came next. A few more words from Dr. Phil had him growling and sneering in the man's direction. Dr. Phil turned a second too late. Saïx, his scar a bit longer and jagged and hair messy, lunged.

"Shit." Xigbar cursed. He used his powers of space and appeared in front of the Doctor, brandishing his arrow guns. "No more, Saïx!" He ordered.

Saïx landed a few steps in front of the pirate-minded nobody. He growled, lifting up the side of his lip.

"I don't understand." Dr. Phil said. "I was only trying to help."

Saïx's lip rose higher and he crinkled his nose, growling.

"It would be best if you didn't say anything, sweetie." Marluxia informed. "He's pretty grumpy right now!"

"What has happened to him?" Dr. Phil wondered. "He was mild mannered a few minutes ago."

"Aye, mate, if you think that was "mild mannered", then ye have scurvy for brains."

Marluxia raised an eyebrow. "How does _that_ make sense?"

Xigbar rolled his eye. "Just go get the Cap'n, won't ye?"

"You mean Xemnas?" Marluxia asked. "I'm on it, sweetie!" He ran off, calling 'Xemnas' as he did so.

Saïx appeared to get more agitated.

"What's going on over…oh, shit." Larxene ran a hand through her blonde locks and pulled out her kunai. "What set him off _this_ time?" She wondered.

"Dr. Phil here won't mind his own business." Xigbar said. "Nor does the man know when to put a cannonball in it."

"Sounds like someone else I know." Larxene rolled her eyes.

"Why is Marluxia running around yelling for Xemnas?" Axel wondered.

The redhead rounded the corner with Roxas. Sora and Riku were in tow.

"I think Saïx is going berserk." Roxas informed.

"Phil's fault?" Sora wondered.

"I am most certainly not to blame!" Dr. Phil said, earning a growl from Saïx. "We were having a nice, civilized conversation before this."

"Civilized?" Xigbar repeated in disbelief.

"Do you have your camera, Riku?" Dr. Phil wondered.

"I doubt you want your death on tape, Mr. Doctor." Larxene snarled.

Dr. Phil swallowed hard.

"I do." Riku nodded. He turned on the camera and aimed it at the scene before him.

Saïx turned around and snarled. He lunged and Axel brought out his Chakrams. He blocked the blue haired Nobody's attack. Riku stumbled backwards and tripped. Saïx followed Axel's lead and pulled out his Claymore.

"Great idea, Axel." Roxas moaned, rolling his eyes. "Now he's more dangerous." The Keyblade formed in Roxas' left hand.

Saïx seemed to anger even more, is possible, and backed off. He flicked his wrist and spikes protruded out from his claymore.

"Damn." Axel said. "You're a feisty little thing today, aren't you?" He wondered.

Vexen and Lexaeus rounded the corner, both seeming to stumble over their own feet. "What in the world is going on?" Vexen asked, scratching the side of his head.

"Phil pissed off dog-boy." Axel informed.

Demyx and Zexion arrived as well, both looking a bit disheveled. "Marluxia just ran through the beach house screaming about how he needed to find Xemnas or we'd all be doomed." Demyx offered, scratching at his bangs. "So uh…what now?"

Saïx turned as Dr. Phil began writing on his notepad again. He growled and lunged again.

Xigbar rolled his eyes and fired at him with his arrow guns. The laser-like bullet barely grazed his shoulder.

"Your aim sucks!" Demyx informed.

"Why don't you give it a try there, Bucko?" Xigbar offered.

Demyx shook his head. "I'm not suicidal!"

Zexion unconsciously pulled his sleeves over his hands. His Lexicon formed next to him. He took it and flipped through the pages. When he found what he needed, he flung out his hand. Another Dr. Phil formed near the garden. Saïx seemed to see it. He looked between both Dr. Phil's and ran after the fake. Zexion cocked a smirk. Messing with Saïx was amusing, he had to admit.

"What in the world is going on?" Xemnas asked softly, coming into the clearing behind the house, Marluxia at his side.

"He went all berserk." Lexaeus said, his words slurred.

Xemnas shook his head as he got a glimpse of the other Nobody attacking an illusion of Dr. Phil, no doubt a result of Zexion's abilities. "And you want me to deal with it? Can't you guys handle it?"

"Our idea of handling it seemed to be giving him the idea to call forth his Claymore, and not being able to shut up the Doctor." Roxas said softly. "I think you should do something."

They all nodded.

"Yeah, he _likes_ you." Larxene said. "The rest of us are screwed, to put it simply."

Saïx continued going to town, attacking the illusion of Dr. Phil, briefly wondering why it wasn't bleeding, or at least being damaged. The next thing he was aware of, a hand was on his shoulder, pulling him from the illusion.

"For Kingdom Heart's sake, Saïx." Xemnas moaned. "You need to calm down."

Saïx sneered and tried to go after the illusion again.

"I'm sorry, Saïx." Xemnas muttered. He spun the younger man to face him and closed his eyes before grabbing at his lower regions.

Saïx's eyes widened before turning back to their normal gold. His scar became less jagged and his hair smoothed out. He slapped Xemnas hard across the face. "What did I say about doing that?" He cried.

"I'm sorry." Xemnas hung his head in shame and rubbed left his cheek. "But I had to wake you up out of your trance and…"

Saïx growled, shook his head, and stormed off.

Axel rolled his bright green eyes. "That went well."


	13. Putting the Plan Into Motion, and Finale

Dlbn: Well, here we go. The next and final chapter of A Very Disorganized Organization Vacation! Things are less funny and more serious towards the end, but that's sadly the way it had to be. You'll see what I mean. I'm sad to see it come to an end, as I really liked this story. But I'm planning on a sequel, so keep an eye out for it in the future.

Nbld: Thank you to LightWithinDarkness, Ravenclaw992, and Blue Moon for reviewing chapter 12!

Disclaimer: I own nothing in this fic. Doctor Phil and his wife belong to themselves. Organization XIII, the nobodies, Sora, Riku, and Kairi belong to Tetsuya Nomura and Square Enix.

000

Later that night, Xemnas and the rest of the Organization sat in the basement of their vacation home, except for Xaldin who was still running to the bathroom every five minutes. Dr. Phil and his crew and wife had fallen asleep an hour or so before. Roxas and Axel had come to the basement and destroyed all the surveillance equipment installed in the place, Roxas by whacking at them with his Keyblade and Axel setting them on fire, so they were sure they weren't going to be watched.

Xemnas cleared his throat and the others, surprisingly, stopped talking and looked at him.

"Alright, we all know why we're here." Xemnas said. "Dr. Phil and his crew are nothing but trouble and we need to get them _out_."

"About time you're doing something, _Xem_nas." Larxene sneered. "So what's our plan?"

"We've got to convince them that their services are no longer required."

"So we make them think they helped us?" Zexion wondered, peering at Xemnas from behind his bangs.

"Exactly." Xemnas said with a nod.

"In case you haven't noticed, they haven't done anything." Axel said. "Xaldin still runs to the bathroom every five seconds, Larxene's still a bitch, you still don't have a spine, Xigbar still talks like a pirate-which I think is getting worse, actually-, I still set things on fire, Roxas is still clingy, Lexaeus is still stoned, Vexen is still drunk off his ass, Saïx is moody and refuses to let anyone touch him, Luxord still calls people on his Bluetooth every five minutes to threaten them, Zexion has fresh scars on his arm…"

Zexion pulled his sleeve down and glared at Axel, who continued on talking.

"Demyx is…whatever he is…and Marluxia still thinks he's a girl!"

"Yes, I know things look dim…" Xemnas flushed and pulled at his collar. "But if we can fake emotions, I think we can fake being healthy."

The others exchanged a look.

"Xaldin's gonna have a hard time with that one." Roxas pointed out.

"Well, yes, but the rest of us can get it." Xemnas nodded. "I'm pretty sure on that."

"We need a plan in order to completely fool them." Larxene looked over her kunai. "So how?"

"We don't let Saïx near Phil again." Demyx said, not looking up from his sitar.

Saïx glared. "He set me off. I can't help it."

"Yeah, but it makes you look crazy."

Saïx growled.

"Saïx, Demyx, please stop." Xemnas rolled his eyes. "So I guess we should start off one by one on how to appear normal."

"You need a backbone, mate." Xigbar said. "We should start with that."

Xemnas glared. This was going to be a long and painful process.

000

The following morning, the Organization members were sitting down to breakfast in the kitchen, something they rarely did, when Dr. Phil and company awoke. Dr. Phil seemed surprised that they were sitting and eating.

"This is a…pleasant change." Dr. Phil said.

"What is?" Larxene asked, a bit too sweet for her.

"You're all getting along." Dr. Phil said.

"And not trying to kick us out." Sora piped up.

Riku nodded. "Did you guys all start on downers or something?"

Larxene giggled.

The others blinked.

"We've been reviewing the tapes you guys have of us." Xemnas said. "And it appears that we have been behaving irrationally. Isn't that right?"

"Yes, Xemnas." They all droned as one.

Sora and Riku shared a look as Dr. Phil's jaw dropped.

"So…you don't need us?" Dr. Phil asked.

"I suppose not." Xemnas smiled. "Now, how about we call you a tow truck for you van, huh?"

"Yeah, I think that would be a good…" Dr. Phil started. He was cut off by Kairi.

"Wait a minute." She ordered. "_Some_thing's not right here. How could they be reformed over night? Nothing you do works that quickly, even on willing participants."

"I suppose we aren't your average group of people." Zexion said.

"I think that was an understatement, Zexion." Demyx said with a smile.

That sent giggles over the table.

"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit!" Dr. Phil said. "This is the greatest change I've seen in a long time! I think I'm tearing up!" He rubbed at one eye with a finger.

"Come on, Phil! They're trying to pull a fast one on us!" Kairi argued. "You can't honestly believe that…"

"I must be the greatest psychologist ever to live! I turned around the lives of thirteen people over night!" Dr. Phil was really teary. He clasped his hands together and held them over his heart.

"Are we sure it was me with the gender identity disorder?" Marluxia wondered, relaxing back in his chair. Though he didn't like to sit the way he was, in order to look more masculine, he had to sit like any normal guy, and act like one, too.

Dr. Phil flushed. "Oh my! This is so amazing! I'm _sure_ to get a Nobel Peace Prize for this! Oprah, eat your heart out!"

Xemnas raised an eyebrow. He could swear he could see little hearts and sparkles floating around the balding man. "I think someone's delusional."

"People will hold a parade in _my_ honor! Dr. Phil day will occur every year! Twice on leap years! Oh, it will be grand!"

"Honey, you're having delusions of grandeur again." Robin said quietly. "I think it's time we got out of here. Our services are obviously no longer required."

"They're not completely fixed! They've _got_ to be faking!" Kairi turned to the rest of the crew. "Sora! Riku! Help me out here!"

"I have an idea." Sora said with a smirk. He walked over to the table and stood next to Roxas. "Hey, Roxas." He greeted with a sly smile.

"Hey, Sora." Roxas returned a smile. "What's up?"

"I got a question for you."

"Okay." Roxas shrugged. "What?"

Sora leaned down and whispered into his ear. Fake emotions played on Roxas' face.

"Seriously?" He asked, eyes wide in fear. He neutralized his expression as quick as it had changed. "Oh, very funny, Sora." He rolled his eyes. "I'm not falling for that." He leaned a bit closer and whispered, "Axel wouldn't leave me, silly."

Sora smirked. "Are you sure?"

Thankfully, Roxas kept his false emotions in check. "Of course I am." He smiled.

Sora gave him a scrutinizing look before walking back over to Riku and Kairi. "He doesn't seem to be faking it." He muttered.

"Seriously?" Kairi asked. "You're just as dense as Phil!"

"Hey, now, don't insult me!"

"I heard that, Sora." Dr. Phil took a moment out of his 'Nobel prize' rant to scowl at the younger boy. The break only lasted for a minute, however. "They'll give me the key to the city…no, to the white house! Or the UN! I would be world famous! I'll go down in history for my awesome feat!"

"Can it, Phil!" Riku finally yelled. "None of that is ever, ever, _ever_ going to happen!"

Dr. Phil gave him a look. "Don't count your chickens before they hatch, Riku." He said.

"That makes no sense." Xaldin pointed out.

"If you wish for something to happen, it will." Dr. Phil said. "You just have to be ready to grab the opportunity when it comes close to you."

Riku rolled his eyes. Sometimes the Doctor was so irritating.

"I _still_ say they aren't cured." Kairi shook her head. "Why don't you guys tell Phil what exactly you learned that is helping you cope?"

"What a splendid idea, Kairi!" Dr. Phil said. "Riku, go get the camera! It will be a group confessional!"

"Fine, Phil." Riku shrugged and left. He returned in a few minutes with the camera. He set it up facing the Organization, most of the members looking nervous.

"Well? Go on, boys." Kairi said.

Larxene gave her a death glare and she backed up a bit. "Sorry." She said. "Everyone, go ahead and tell Dr. Phil what he's said that has helped you out the most while we've been here."

"Who would like to begin?" Dr. Phil wondered, looking over the group. When no one answered, he spoke again. "How about we go in order from one to thirteen, hm?"

"Shit." Xemnas rolled his eyes as he cursed under his breath. "I would be delighted to go first."

Riku pointed the camera to him. "And go."

"Wait!" Dr. Phil cried out. "First, state your name, what you think your issue was and then what I said to get you to change. Okay, go!"

Xemnas rolled his eyes. "I'm Xemnas, the leader. My problem was uh…that I didn't think anyone had faith in me as leader. So I was kind of a push over." He said. "The thing Dr. Phil said that helped me most was said during my session with him earlier. It was that the others can't respect me because I don't respect myself."

Dr. Phil nodded happily and motioned for the others to keep going.

"I'm Xigbar. I'm number two in this Organization, but I'm not second in command. That's Saïx's job." He said. "My problem was that I believed I was a pirate. I had worked at an Amusement park that had a pirate ship ride, and I was in charge of that. I let my job take over my life. I'm sorry, Dr. Phil, but it was more my companions asking me to stop all the time and getting annoyed that helped me. Not you."

Dr. Phil looked defeated, but he motioned for more.

"I'm Xaldin, number three." Xaldin said. "I had an extreme fear of germs. I was running in and out of the room all the time to go and wash up. But now I see that the germs are all in my head. They aren't really there."

"I'm Vexen. Number four, if you must know." Vexen spoke up. "I was a heavy drinker. Alcohol can be addicting sometimes. Like when I used to watch Marluxia dance around in tight clothing when he didn't know I was watching."

Marluxia flushed and the others seemed to gag at the same time. Strange.

"Doctor Phil told me that the answer wasn't in the bottom of the bottle and, after thinking about that for a while, I have to agree."

"Lexaeus." Lexaeus went on. "I did heroin. Doctor Phil says you can't take back stupid. Doing drugs when in a house like ours was stupid. I don't do stupid anymore."

"I'm Zexion." Said nobody pushed his hair out of his eye, only to have it fall back into place a moment later. "I was a cutter. I did so to relieve the pain I felt inside. Doctor Phil asked me if it was teenage angst that made me do it, and I avoided the question. But now I see that he was right in that assumption. I had nothing to be hurting over. There was no reason."

"I'm Saïx." Saïx said. "Something happened to me when I was younger, but I'm not comfortable going into detail with it at this moment. I didn't like any romantic contact with others…especially down…there…"

"Saïx…" Xemnas paused, as Saïx turned to him. "You never told me that." He put his hand on the other's knee."

"You never asked." Saïx said softly, before turning back to the camera. "But I have come to terms with it, even though it's hard to talk about, and I know that what happened wasn't my fault. I have no reason to believe that the same thing will happen again if I let anyone close."

"Axel." Axel said. "I'm a pyro. Doctor Phil said that some people mostly focus on the bad things, rather than good. I took a second look at my obsession with fire and noticed that there were a few negative things about it. Mostly good. So that didn't help. But seeing my friends, and I use the term loosely, take his words to heart and change, I figured I'd give it a try."

"Demyx!" Demyx spoke. "I'm a bit of a sadist. The Doc didn't deal with me much! But Zexion asking me to not, "do that so hard" all the time made me realize that something needs to be done."

"Name's Luxord. I have a gambling problem. But as you can see, I've put down my Bluetooth and no longer have that issue." The blonde said.

"Marluxia." Marluxia said. "I was very feminine before Doctor Phil came. Hell, I was feminine while he _was_ here. Doctor Phil told me that it's not normal for a man to wear woman's clothing and act like a woman. Just because wearing dresses and painting my nails made me feel good, it didn't mean I had to do so."

"Larxene." She toyed with her hair. "I was angry all the time, always picking on the others and starting fights just because I could. Doctor Phil had said that anger is an outward expression of fear. I didn't think I was afraid of anything. But now I realize that I _was_ afraid of something. I was afraid that if people saw the real me, if I let them get close enough to, then they wouldn't like it…like me…but now I know that it doesn't matter if they like me or not. As long as I like me."

"And lastly, I'm Roxas." Roxas said. "I was afraid of being abandoned by the people I trusted most. My parents left me to survive on my own for a long time when I was young. I think that's where it stems from. Anyway, I was thinking the other day about the Organization. And I realized something. We're not Organization XIII without thirteen members!"

"So there you have it, America!" Dr. Phil said. "I have successfully turned the lives of the members of Organization XIII around 180! Everyone is on the road to recovery. And that is the best gift any one man can give."

Riku pressed a button on the top of the camera. "And cut."

000

Xemnas and the rest of the Organization stood along the side of the road as a tow truck hooked up Dr. Phil's road crew van up to his truck.

"Well, I guess this is goodbye, everyone." Dr. Phil said, tears glittering in his eyes. "It was such a pleasure working with you! You will all receive compensation for your time on the show."

"The pleasure was all ours, Doctor Phil." Xemnas said. "Without you, we'd be in a heap of trouble right now."

"Yes, it is all thanks to me." Dr. Phil nodded.

"I _still_ don't believe that they're really cured!" Kairi cried from behind the Doctor, where she was being restrained by Robin. "I can't believe you're falling for this!"

"I think you found your next case, Doctor." Marluxia said.

The others laughed, but stopped when Xemnas moved his hand to stop them.

"I think you're right, Marly." Dr. Phil winked.

"Oh please, Doctor. I'm _beyond_ that phase now." Marluxia waved a hand. "It's Marluxia."

"Noted." Dr. Phil nodded.

"We'd better be on our way, Doctor." Riku said. "If we want this to air soon, we have to get back to the studio."

"And the tow truck guy is done rigging up the van." Sora said. "He said we can ride in it, since he's not going to elevate it."

"Then in that case, we shall leave." Dr. Phil held out a hand to Xemnas. "Thank you for your time."

"On behalf of Organization XIII, thank you for all you've done, Doctor Phil." Xemnas shook his head. "We will never forget you."

"We'll never forget you either!" Sora said. "We'll send you a backup of the tapes if you guys want!"

"That would be cool." Xigbar said.

"Well, we're on our way now. Bye-bye." Dr. Phil waved.

"It was a pleasure. Thank you for your hospitality." Robin smiled and dragged a kicking and screaming Kairi off.

"I'll prove that you're faking it one day!" She cried. "Do you hear me? I don't know how, I don't know when, but I will p[rove it. One day!" Her cries were cut off as she was shoved into the van.

"I know how to get a-hold of you, Roxas, so I'll send the tape and money to you, but it will be in everyone's name." Sora said. "And go home. Your mom's worried."

"Okay, okay." Roxas hugged his cousin. "I'll see you around."

"You bet!"

"It sure was an interesting experience being here. I think I'm going to miss it." Riku said. He didn't say more as he walked back to the van with Sora and climbed in. the tow truck driver pulled away as the crew waved out the windows. The Organization waved back. "We'll never forget you!" Xemnas called.

They waved until the truck disappeared over the horizon.

"Or forgive you." Larxene sneered.

"Germs!" Xaldin cried, running back into the house.

"Phew! I'm so sick of standing like this!" Marluxia crossed one leg over the other.

"Aye, mate. I'm glad that's all over!" Xigbar said, wiping his brow.

"No more vacations." Xemnas muttered, turning back and going into the house.

"So do you really not want us to call you Marly anymore?" Roxas looked to the older Nobody.

"Of course not! I am and always will be Marly!" Marluxia threw his arms around Roxas' neck.

"I need to go stab something." Larxene growled and slinked off around to the back of the house.

"I need a cocktail." Vexen said.

"I'll join you. My arm itches." Lexaeus said, as they went in together.

Luxord pressed a button on his Bluetooth and turned on his phone, before dialing it. "Gambit?" Luxord asked. "It's Luxord. Sorry about the interruption. Other pressing matters needed my attention. Now about that guy in District 3…" He left as well.

"Did you really want me to go easier, Zexy?" Demyx asked the shorter male.

"You know I like it rough, baby." Zexion winked before slicing his arm again.

Demyx scolded him and they bickered as they went into the house.

"I'm going to go get laid." Saïx muttered, before going into the house and calling for Xemnas.

"I need to set something on fire." Axel said. "Then maybe we can have a bit of fun?" He winked at Roxas.

"It's a deal." Roxas nodded.

"Alright, I'll be right back."

"Don't leave me!" Roxas latched onto Axel's arm and followed him off to wherever he was going.

"I'm going to go and find that dress Larxene had while she's out. I looked _fabulous_ in it!" Marluxia ran into the house.

Xigbar looked down the road, in the direction Doctor Phil's van had gone. "Goodbye and good riddance, Doctor." He said.

Xigbar turned around and went inside. The sound of the door slamming was like a final goodbye.

000 END 000

Dlbn: The next chapter that will be up is the epilogue, which will also have a bit of a preview for the sequel I'm hoping to get out.

Nbld: But before we go, we would like to take a moment to say thank you to all of you who have reviewed A Very Disorganized Organization Vacation, added this to your story alerts list, and/or favorite stories lists. There are way too many of you to thank, but thank you all the same. Organization XIII action figures for all of you!

Dlbn: Also, we would like to say that A Very Disorganized Organizatino Vacation turned a year old last Thursday, the 16th. Seems fitting that it ends after a year, somehow. Whatever.

Dlbn and Nbld: Until the next time!


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